The Fight
Part 1: A search for perfection
Stephane K. Smarth
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything so I figured I’d start off by talking about the one thing I’ve grown to love since the day I started. Muay Thai is a big part of my life so it is important for me to recognize and give thanks to the very thing that has helped shape me into the man I am and still becoming. It has allowed me to learn how to be expressive not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well.
It is truly difficult to explain the immense amount of respect I’ve gained for myself and others around me, how passionate I have become, and how much it has changed me for the better so I’m going to do it in a 3 part series. Each one a reflection of the ways Muay Thai has changed me.
I will try my hardest to paint a picture that depicts Muay Thai’s significance in my life today and while I’m shooting for Michelangelo you may get Picasso, so bear with me.
There is something about this sport that beneath the surface of its savagery there is an underlying theme of beauty, love, respect, and brotherhood. The greatest bonds formed in the last 8 years have been through the physical, emotional, and spiritual connection I’ve developed while on this journey. It is these connections that have not only drawn me to the culture, but have also given me a much deeper appreciation for life, family, and friendships.
Many people who know me, know me as an ambitious, goal-oriented, driven individual who is laid back, loves to laugh, make people smile, and lives to inspire others. I am constantly surrounded by great friends and teammates, a beautiful and motivating girlfriend, and of course my mother — one of the biggest reasons I strive to be the absolute best in everything I do.
It’s safe to say that I am blessed and fortunate to be where I am today, but it wasn’t always an easy road. I’ve had a ton of hardships along the way, but Muay Thai has given me something that I could have only acquired through the battles I’ve had in and out of the ring; the courage to keep fighting.
I’ve seen more dark days than light, but a lot of that was self-inflicted. I don’t mean literally or physically, but there were things that have caused more harm than good. One area in my life where I needed a ton of improvement in was allowing the idea of perfection run my life.
I used to be my biggest critic and can still be at times. I would become my own worst enemy and I am sure I’m not the only one. It is natural for us to be over critical of ourselves and to set high expectations, but when that turns into doubt we start to question our decisions and end up feeling frustrated when things go wrong. I used to be a person who demanded perfection and anything less than that meant failure — probably the most detrimental trait to have if you’re not using it properly. I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to be perfect, it’s just unhealthy if you allow it to consume your life negatively.
Rather than being the kind of person to get back to it the next day and correct my mistakes, I would sit at home replaying the scenario in my head to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed. This is where I lived much of my life — insert dark days.
There were days I felt overwhelmed, lost and, more often times than not, defeated. On the outside I’d wear a smile on my face masking my true emotions, but deep down I felt broken. I guess you can say I was depressed and it would be easy to come to that conclusion. I just think I went through normal stages in life in my early 20’s so nothing I’ve said is uncommon. I don’t think it was depression, but rather an inability to learn from my mistakes and experiences. Needless to say, I was so fixated on perfecting everything I did that I often lost sight of the objective and in turn I would lose my way.
It wasn’t until about my third or fourth year of practicing and competing in Muay Thai that I truly learned to not focus on being perfect, but rather taking in all that I was experiencing. It had allowed me to do things that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, meet the people I’ve met, and challenge myself in ways I don’t think any other sport could have done so.
You have to be adaptable in this sport so I’ve learned to adapt to my surroundings in life. Muay Thai became more than a martial art to me. It became a way of thinking, learning, feeling, and expression. It was a tool I used to cope, to accept, to survive. It became my escape from reality and it still is to this day.
When I’m on the pads or when I’m sparring I feel free, at peace and life can’t touch me there. Unless you’re my coach, Omar, who has an innate ability to tap into my psyche and push me past my limits. It may sound like I’m running from my problems, but this is where life takes greater form. It is in that environment where I face new challenges and new hurdles all the while gaining new strengths and new meanings; all of which I will forever be grateful for.
Muay Thai taught me that being perfect isn’t real. Perfection is just a thing we try to reach, but all it really is, is a vehicle to drive us to be better; it’s what keeps us motivated to keep moving forward. I’m constantly seeking it, but I’ve learned it can’t be reached. It’s unattainable and I’m okay with knowing that now. I’m ok with knowing that sometimes even giving 100% of myself to something — all the blood, sweat, tears, and struggles — that it’s just not enough. As long as I gave it everything I had, I’d be able to walk away with my head held high, with no regrets, and a smile on my face.
I have to admit I’m still working on this concept and I’m continuously trying to instill it in me everyday. I do find myself falling back to my old ways when things seem to go south and old habits don’t always die hard. It is a constant battle of positive reinforcement and remembering where I came from, but I’ve made big strides from the young man I once was.
My attitude and the way I approach certain situations have changed so much so that at times I find myself allowing things roll off my shoulder rather than letting it eat at me inside. You have to be able to roll with the punches because it allows for a much smoother transition when you’re ready to counter right back — boxing reference if you didn’t catch that.
What was once a negative attribute became a key component of the dreams I’m still pursuing. It allows me to focus less on the content and more on the experience as I navigate my way through life. I’m far less demanding of myself now and although I am sometimes prone to losing focus I am able to settle down, recollect my thoughts, and get things done. I’ve learned from my experiences and continue to grow everyday. That should be something we all strive for.
I’m not saying life is perfect now because I know it will never be. I’m going to face many challenges and meet a lot of resistance, but that is all apart of this process and I have to appreciate the imperfections along the way.
Part of any journey is being able to learn, to experience, to think, to feel, and to imagine. I’m no longer focused on perfection, but rather the process itself and the steps I take to accomplish my goals. Here are the “4 P’s” I’ve learned to incorporate into my life when I start to focus too much on being perfect:
1. Perception Versus Perfection:
The more you focus on perfection the less originality you can incorporate into whatever you are trying to accomplish. What you perceive as right or wrong allows you to be creative so rather than trying to do things perfectly as someone else did, do them your way.
2. Progression, Not Perfection:
As I stated, rather than focusing on getting something perfect, appreciate the experience and the progression that takes place. I find it much more rewarding when I actually understand a technique and figure how to apply it in a sparring or fight situation versus concentrating on being perfect in the execution.
3. Passion Over Perfection:
You have to be passionate about whatever you are doing. With passion comes the understanding that some things might work and some things might not. All that matters is that you’re doing what you love and you’re putting 100% effort into it. It will take your own vision and your passion for things to flow as you think they should.
4. Patience Above Perfection:
Although this is something I’m very much still working on, for me, when I take my time to learn, to understand, and to apply, I’m focused less on perfecting and more on watching things unravel as I want them to. I’ll talk a bit more about patience in the second part of this series, but staying patient in the process will allow you to have that “aha” moment rather than forcing things to come.
“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”-Vince Lombardi
