People pleasing

I recently heard people pleasing is about not wanting to disappoint people, because the self-image isn’t defined enough to stand on one’s own. Imagine — what would it look like for you to make decisions based on what you want? What would happen if you disappointed people?

When I do what people want, I feel a desperate clawing sense of running from table to table at a restaurant and keeping water glasses full when there is a slight leak in all of them. If I am pleasing fewer people, it is easier to monitor and keep glasses full. Yet, even if these instances, I am not serving out of love or abundance — it is out of scarcity and desperation.

Forget that. Let people manage their own needs. Giving can be done but it must go in proper order.

1. First, safety within oneself.

2. Second, adherence to own needs.

3. Third, I have abundant self-generating energy to serve.

There is fear of course in going this route — from cultural and religious messages about how self-sacrifice is the ultimate kind of love. The fear sounds like: “No, you must not be selfish and put yourself first. You put everyone at risk of being disappointed and that will be your fault.”

If this resonates at all, consider releasing the people pleasing. Consider asking yourself what you need and want — and know that taking care of yourself is the only way to lead to being able to care for others.