What Your Doctor Really Means When They Tell You Not to Drink on Your Antibiotics

Stef Dag
Stef Dag
Jun 8, 2018 · 2 min read

We’ve all been there. Your doctor is sitting across from you, writing your script for antibiotics, and you have to address the elephant in the room, the age old question: “Can I drink on this medication?” This is your go-to guide for decoding what exactly your doctor means when she/he says “no.”

“You probably shouldn’t.”

Booze the hell up baby, because you are 100% good to go! That party this weekend? You’ll be there. That bar on the corner? Consider yourself a r-e-g-u-l-a-r. You probably shouldn’t use the microwave either, but those lunchables aren’t gonna heat themselves. “Probably” is a loose suggestion at best. “Shouldn’t” is just short for “should.” Get lit! Cheers.

“It’s better if you don’t.”

It’s shmetter if u shmooooontttt. What are words!? Haha. It’s better if you don’t get in an car accident but you aren’t gonna lock yourself inside forever, right!? That’s what they want. For you to live in fear. Is that a life at all? Think about it. “Don’t” is just short for “do.” You’re totes fine. Cheers.

“No, you cannot drink while taking this antibiotic. It’s very bad for your liver.”

Pfff. What’s a few gin and tonics gonna do to your liver? Who even needs a liver? From my understanding, your kidneys are waaay more important. One to eleven mixed drinks is really no big deal. It’s all about portion control, and from my understanding, if your diet is 50% antibiotics and 50% alcohol, you are 100% portioned! Cheers.

“Alcohol will reverse the effects of this antibiotic and you will die. DO NOT DRINK.”

But what even is death, you know? Like “to die,” what is that? Is death just an extension of life? Possibly an enhancement of it? Death kinda sounds like the ultimate nirvana. Didn’t Buddha say that? Are you saying Buddha was a liar? I didn’t think so. Namasteeeeen shots of tequila please.

Stef Dag

Written by

Stef Dag

I tell jokes around NYC & write for Condé Nast Entertainment. I am Lady Turd.