Stephanie Gates
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

When the Fun House Stops Being Fun

As a child I loved amusement parks that had a fun house of mirrors. I liked looking at unreal images of myself. This was part of the creative play of childhood. I laughed as I looked at myself stretched out, then compacted. Those mirrors made pretending so much fun! I started thinking about those mirror again recently, but from a grown woman’s-life-of-experiences perspective. I thought about the many conversations that women have — some I’ve been privy to, some I’ve participated in, and some I’ve eavesdropped on. And all of these conversation converged and then collided into this idea of how the role of fun houses in play out in relationships. It made me wonder how many of us are looking through a distorted view of our relationship reality? Fun Houses may be fun when we’re young, but we when we’re in relationships as adults, we need to see to what’s really going on. It’s time for us to get real about our relationships. So, I’ve composed a list of ten reasons your relationship might be make believe. You know you’re in the fun house when. . .

1. You only get to see him on the designated Other Woman (the day before of the day after) holidays with the exception being New Year’s Eve which is a couples’ holiday right up there with Valentine’s and Sweetest Day.

2. He’s too busy. Men make time for what they want to make time for. So, if he’s busy all time, spending time with you is not a priority. He should only be as important to you as you are to him.

3. You’re checking his phone, following him around, hacking into is voicemail and email accounts trolling on Social Media looking for trouble or boldly confronting other women. If you have to expend that much energy keeping him in check, is it worth it? Promise rings, marriage licenses, children and time spent are not bills of sale. You don’t own him or control him; you control you.

4. You’re still engaged after more than three years. How long do you need to stay engaged? If you don’t know each other after three years, you’ll never know each other. You are a long-term girlfriend, nothing more, nothing less. If you can’t nail down a date, maybe it’s time to pull up your stakes and go elsewhere.

5. When you want to be married, but you’re not, but you tell people you like things the way they are or you use his last name as if it were really yours. Do you really want to “play house” for the rest of your life?

6. When you think that having a baby will make him stay. Have you looked at the stats on single mothers? The divorce rates? If he has other children by other women, what makes you think he’ll commit to you?

7. When he’s honest with you, but lying to her. Stop lying to yourself that you’re anything other than the side piece. It’s not that complicated. Something is making him stay.

8. When the only one still in the relationship is you. How hard are you willing to hold on to what has already slipped from your grip?

9. When you find out he has magician like qualities; now you see him, now you don’t. The next time he reappears, you should try a little magic and make him disappear.

10. .When the only time you’re enjoying yourself you’re horizontal. At some point, you have to be vertical. Can what you have hold up?

I’m nobody’s relationship expert. These are just my life observations. I’m neither the judge nor the jury on what people choose to do. I’m simply suggesting that we look at the distorted images for what they are — fantasy. When we are honest, we don’t accept Fantasy as Truth. Know what you’re getting into. When when we allow ourselves to be disillusioned, the fun house stops being fun, and it becomes a scary, lonely or even dangerous place.

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