Quarter Life Crisis

I have recently come to the realization that my life has become a stagnant murky puddle. My day to day routine has morphed into this irritating schedule of: wake up, commute to work, sit in a cubicle for 8 hours, commute home, go to the gym (if traffic allows), sit in front of the TV for a couple hours, and finally go to bed. I have lost all interest in socializing, opting to hole up in my apartment with my dogs, which I feel isn’t exactly healthy.

When I was younger I dreamed of being a big time singer/songwriter while traveling all over the world. I even got a degree in music business and moved to a bigger city with more opportunities. Since graduating, however,I have done absolutely nothing with my degree. Being young and in love I opted to take odd jobs where I could get them, all the while supporting my musician boyfriend and his band. That’s sort of liking working in the music industry, right? Needless to say, that relationship eventually fizzled out after a time and I’m now at a point where I no longer know what to do with my life.

I have made lists, upon lists with pros and cons, and budgets, and ‘what ifs’ but I’m still at a loss. I’m at a point in my life where I have to make some decisions.. to toss a proverbial pebble in the puddle that is my life.

Change is scary though, I’m constantly questioning everything I do. Dad says that this is all normal and that I’m no different than any other young person — that doesn’t really make me feel any better though. I constantly feel like I’m on the edge of a panic attack, all the while trying to force my self to breathe and look at everything rationally. It’s exhausting work.

But, despite all of this, I’m going to make my self happy again and turn my life in to one of complete awesomeness. Here’s how I plan to do it:

  1. Get back into shape: Ever since leaving high school I’ve gained a bit of weight, as everybody does I’m sure, and I’m not happy about it. Places have become squishy and soft where there used to be muscle and definition. I absolutely refused to buy new clothes that fit better, so I joined a gym. So far, I’d say that it’s going pretty well. I’ve been there about 3 months (I think, I’ve lost track…) and I now can do actual push ups and sit ups, whereas before I would just flop back on the floor and say F-it after one failed attempt. Along with my impressive muscle gain, I’ve also found that getting dressed in the morning doesn’t take nearly as long. I’m not sure how much my body has changed since starting this workout program, but I have noticed a change in attitude. I feel a lot more confident about how I look, and while I’m not where I want to be I’m on the right path. It feels really awesome.
  2. Move out of this not so great apartment: Now don’t get me wrong, this is a great space; corner apartment, plenty of room, trees outside the windows, hardwood floors, and original wood casings and baseboards. I’m also right outside downtown next to a park. Sound like a pretty sweet deal, right? Well, this awesome apartment also has mice…and they won’t go away. I’ve called maintenance multiple times and their only response is to put glue traps down. For those of you who don’t have pets, glue traps are not the best form of pest control with 4 legged friends milling about… they tend to get stuck to paws and such. So after giving up on maintenance I took matters into my own hands in the form of deacon, drier sheets, steel wool, and most recently aluminum foil. Sounds strange, I know, but apparently all this stuff is supposed to help get rid of mice. My mice, however, are much to smart for both conventional and unconventional methods and so I have decided that it is best for me to move. They’ve also upped my rent by $20 and that’s just not acceptable.
  3. Find a new job: Right now I’m doing the whole nine to five sitting at a desk thing. I should have listened to my sixteen year old self and never tried to be a ‘responsible adult’. Sitting in front of a computer for eight hours a day inputting financial data is not what I pictured my self doing, and it’s certainly not what I want to be doing a year from now.

All in all, I’m looking to completely flip my life on it’s head and start making decisions that are going to make me happy. I’ve based my decisions in life so far on how they are going to affect other people, not me.

Didn’t want to go to college…. went to college…

Wanted to travel…. stayed where I was to make a relationship work…

Never wanted a nine to five desk job…. took an accounting job…

It’s time to live my life the way I want to live it. I have a feeling that it will make me a lot happier, and though I may sink and start to drown it’s high time that I take this risk.

Sounds like I need to throw a boulder in the puddle instead of a pebble…

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