Thank you for sharing! I got married in August 2018 and I can strongly relate to the mounds of unsolicited advice bestowed upon the recently engaged. It’s exhausting explaining to people why you are doing things a certain way. My views about marriage and weddings are often not traditional. When I got married, I walked myself down the aisle, refrained from tossing my bouquet, and opted out of the garter tradition.
On the other hand, after sincere thought and consideration, I decided to take my husband’s last name. It wasn’t an easy task and frankly over a year later, I am still slowly changing my documents. It has been a process, but for me it felt right. For years I have carried a name that I didn’t identify with. My parents divorced when I was 4 and my biological father did not stay present in my life. When my mom died 13 years ago, I didn’t receive even a single phone call or note from my biological father. And at my wedding the only person who shared my last name was my brother. My husband would have supported me in any decision, and for me changing my name wasn’t about following a societal norm or following a tradition. Everyone has a different story, and for me changing my name was empowering because it was my choice.
Your post is beautiful and thoughtful and I agree with much of what you’re saying. I also think it’s important to understand that not all women fall into the extremes. Not all women have their father’s walk them down the aisle to “give them away” and not all women take their husband’s name because they feel they own them. I just want women to know they have a choice and to not feel judged. Or the very least, to not care if they are judged. Maybe we will get there someday, but for now, I know we have a lot of work to do.
