The ‘Ships of Life

Back in the old days, your fam married you off to their friends’ kid and you lived happily ever after. Two thousand years later, dating and marriage is super hypercomplex. With the distractions of social media and FOMO (feat of missing out), becoming someone’s #WCW or getting consistent texts is harder than ever. Because of this, the types of relationships have grown and we’re going to break them all down today.

Sexlationship

I mean, do I really have to explain this one? A sexlationship basically goes like this:

Guy: wyd?

Girl: nm. u?

Guy: come thru

Girl: k

Girl comes through. Sex is had. Girl goes home. Guy doesn’t even leave the bed because the door to his place auto-locks. They don’t talk again for two weeks to make another pu$$y ‘pointment.

Friendlationship

A friendlationship is simply a friend with benefits that’s actually your friend. Y’all are legit homies, share deep dark secrets, but when the spirit moves, ya’ll may hook up. There’s no commitment. Y’all may even vent to each other about relationship woes with other people. You can depend on each other if sh*t hits the fan. If y’all are nearing 30, this may also be the person you made a pact with to have a baby by once you hit 35. It’s enjoying the peak-fun parts of being in relationship with someone without the work or deep feelings of something real.

Key to a successful Friendlationship? Never. Get. Jealous.

Situationship

A situationship is a half step above a Friendlationship…because feelings. Ya’ll were doing the Friendlationship thing and it was cool, but then feelings were caught. Ya’ll may not be so open and honest with the filthiness of your life anymore. You actually attempt to look nice and brush your hair when ya’ll hang out. Mutual friends notice tension during group hangouts.

Situationships are the danger zone because both parties will often not be on the same page of interest. Enter this with caution.

Boolationship

A Boolationship is the stage where you two are in mutual like, but not exactly ready to be serious. Ya’ll go on dates. All your friends know about ya’ll. Ya’ll are posting covert shots on the ‘gram.

This too can get tricky bc it’s essentially playing house. One participant in the Boolationship may begin to get agitated because the trigger isn’t being pulled to make it a full relationship. Again, enter with caution.

Relationship

Ya’ll go together. Ya’ll claiming each other. Ya’ll are both washed. Ya’ll talking future. Name tats may come into play. This is a serious, committed bond that no man can put asunder.

Part of this #HwhiteManSummer16 process is really figuring out what I want. Granted, I’ve known what I wanted since 2010, but people just aren’t getting with the program! Check back later this week for my ideal relationship and why it has yet to work out. ::sigh::

In the meantime since we’re talking about ships, listen to one of my fave songs “Sinking Ships” by Mariam Mereba.

*Please note: I’m not responsible for any sappy texts you send someone afterwards.