The Big Question

Stéphany Martins
Jul 25, 2017 · 4 min read

I’ve been kinda lost lately. I don’t know exactly why, but I can’t think of anything to write. And the thing is, three months ago this would not be bothering me this much, because at that time, I hadn’t realized how writing stories, tales and even my daily observations, made me so happy. I never thought that I would be frustrated every time I got home at the end of the day and felt that I didn’t write enough, or at all.

And I think that’s the thing about writing, you know? It gets you addicted. And the feeling of finishing a good piece, it’s so overwhelming that you keep desiring more and more. And that’s how I feel right now, I’m craving for something and I can’t get it. — Man, this is frustrating.

So, to satisfy this eagerness of mine for writing, I decided to share with you “why do I write?”. It all began in the summer of 2002… No, just kidding. I actually don’t remember when exactly it was. But since I was a kid, I loved to read. And that helps a lot, because is through your habits of reading that you develop your style, and this is a very important part of who you are, or gonna be, as a writer. The more you read, the more you increase your taste and preferences.

For instance, even though I’m a huge fan of the way J.K. Rowling writes, and always devour her books, I tend to be more inclined to write in first person. — As I am doing here with you right now. In my belief, it’s a way to get closer to the reader, and I really enjoy the intimacy that this type of text gives. I discovered this, by reading Machado de Assis’ books. For those who doesn’t know him, he’s a famous brazilian writer, and wrote amazing books, like “Dom Casmurro”, and “Memórias Póstumas de Brás Cubas”. By reading the first one, I understood that I loved the challenge of telling all sides of some story only by one perspective. And I have to tell you, it’s not easy. — Even he didn’t do that. Read the book, if you haven’t. It’s good, I promise.

Another thing I noticed, is how I put myself, personally, in what I write. Ok, that can be a little bit inconvenient at times, but I came to realize that people tend to enjoy seeing my personality on those pages. So, if you wanna a piece of advice, try to write something like this. You’ll find it fun, or at least challenging, to open yourself in a way that you can discover something you couldn’t even begin to image within yourself.

But I’m getting a bit lost here. Back to the story. As the years went by, I always thought that I was not clever enough, or creative enough for that. So once again, I kept postponing it. I mean, I have to say this, I was totally wrong. Yeah, I know, we don’t always know what we are going to write, or how, or if it’s an entertaining idea or not. But we’re constantly figuring out ways to make this work. — Take this text for example.

And that feeling that I wasn’t creative enough, kept alongside me, and torturing me, for a long time. And now I understand why. I didn’t believe in myself, and what I was capable of doing. Even though a lot of people told me the opposite, I couldn’t believe them. So, second advice of the day: don’t do it like I did, and believe in yourself. Trust your guts. You know, deep down, that we are all capable of achieving great things.

And since last year, I was feeling the desire of writing something. I had ideas that I thought weren’t good, and I kept giving up on them. At that time, I couldn’t look around me and see all the inspiration the world can give us. And that was a big problem of mine. Until one day I did.

Something happened to me, and I needed to tell my friends about it. And this was going to be a normal gossip, but then I realized that I could do something bigger with that. I took a deep breath, and wrote it. It took me forty minutes and three pages to tell what happened, and create a little bit more details to make that chronicle perfect. As you can imagine, it wasn’t perfect at all. But it was good enough for me to start. I woke up the next morning wanting more. And that brought the biggest and most true smile to my face. For better or worse, I was hooked.

So to answer the proposed question, I have one simple response: because writing feeds my soul. — Oh.My.God. How profound was that? I know, right?! But it’s true. I have a feeling of completion that really makes me happier than I could ever imagine. I told you it was addicting. And I have to say, I love my vice.

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