Why Don’t Jews Enjoy Life?

I don’t want you to think I am generalizing. Important issues are rarely black or white.

However, sophisticated subtleties often get lost in this sound-bite world. Therefore let me be clear, it’s not all Jews; just the ones alive today that are un-happy.

I know what you think I am saying, that all Jews are un-happy and all Gentiles are happy. Again, this concept just can’t be reduced to an “either this — or that” statement, that’s because some Gentiles are un-happy too (they are the ones keeping Jewish therapists in business).

But before I explain, please believe me when I tell you that some of my best friends are of the Jewish persuasion….. and they all know someone who is happy.

All Jews can name the person they think has the good life — go ahead and ask one of them. What they mean when they tell you that their cousin (twice removed) has a great life is, “They happy, me not!”

They really do mean that, they just wouldn’t say it explicitly.

It’s important to clarify here, when I say that Jews are not happy, I don’t mean they are not busy, which is what Jews think is the synonym for happiness. Ask a Jew if he is happy, and if he’s busy he’s going to say, “Of course, look at how much I have going on.”

I remember being interviewed on a national radio show about some of my more famous students. The host (Jewish) was convinced that the people I teach were happy, so she spent the majority of the interview trying to figure out why these “happy” people would need to consult with a Rabbi. Despite her cognitive dissonance, I kept repeating that these people are just as un-happy as your average National Public Radio talk-show host.

It’s important to distinguish between truly enjoying life and having a good time now and again. Jews are great, actually they are experts, at having a really good time. When a Jew sets out to have a good time, no expense or detail is too small.

For example, the last 3,500 years of bar mitzvah’s were pretty much all the same fairly boring events. No one ever came back from a bar-mitzvah to be asked, “What was it like?” That’s because they were all the same.

Times have changed and it’s not uncommon for parents to engage the same level of strategic thinking for their blooming daughter, that Eisenhower used to invade Normandy. Every detail receives the scrutiny of an FBI crime scene to ensure the guests appreciate what a hero they are, because no attendee at the “re-enactment of the Titanic Bar-Mitzva” ever thought the bar-mitzvah boy or girl was a genius, it’s the parents who get the praise.

And that’s the problem. As Rabbi Noah Weinberg tz”l explained, you can’t enjoy life and be a hero too. And boy, do Jews ever want to be a hero.

Have you ever heard a bar mitzvah boy or girl stand up and say, “I plan on settling down in the country and having a nice quiet life with an unlisted phone number. Please don’t bother me.”

Today is not the day they become an adult, rather this is the first day on their path to becoming a hero. Now, how to actually save the world from imminent destruction is another question.

The problem is, no one tells them you can’t enjoy life and be a hero too.

Because a hero is a pseudonym for wanting to be G-d. Not that I have anything against that per se, it’s just that you can’t be G-d and enjoy life too — only G-d can do that!

The trick of life is to do your best, without WANTING to be a hero.

Let me explain some more. You can enjoy a painting, a movie, a concerto — because you are sitting down and letting someone else please you. But when you need the outcome to be perfect, then you (by definition) can’t enjoy it.

For example, imagine for a moment uncovering a hidden Rembrandt, or watching the first cut in a new Spielberg movie, or maybe Beethoven is your thing and listening to a newly discovered symphony. That’s not just entertainment, that’s enjoyment. Enjoyment is the act of observing.

I’m not dismissing the fun in creating a good time, but core happiness, the kind where you are snug in a down blanket in front of a blazing fire surrounded by close and loving friends and family during a blizzard. That kind of happiness happens by observing — just watching the artist paint and animate the show we all call life, just to make you happy — observing.

That Artist is G-d, and to enjoy life you need to observe the life around you right when it is happening.

This is the real meaning behind what is called “Observant Jews.” Of course, it’s easy to call anyone that, but to really be that, to not only observe life, but observe and appreciate life as you are doing it, is to be truly happy.

Do you know anyone who does that?