Feedback is a Gift
The best way to know how you’re doing is through feedback. The reality is, people want feedback because they want to improve as professionals and people. Can’t blame anyone for that!
Receiving feedback is a challenge, though. And it is not a skill that is taught. It is one that you need to learn on your own, often through trial and error. Many times feedback can be perceived differently by the receiver than the giver intends. The giver of the feedback typically wants what is best for you, so that must be kept in mind.
In order to become better at accepting feedback, a mindset shift needs to take place. Going from “feedback, means I am bad at something” to “how can I use this feedback to improve?” is a necessary step to improving. Julie Griffin, who appears in this week’s episode of Career Week (Apple Podcasts and Spotify), shared great advice on feedback:
“Feedback is a gift.”
Where you are today: feedback as an attack
Oftentimes feedback can feel like an attack on you as a person. That you are a worse person as a result of something you did or did not do. This is a quick assumption and a leap from what is being said by the feedback giver. Take this example:
“You do not appear confident when presenting to large audiences.”
This can seem like a personal attack. What the feedback receiver, who views feedback as an attack, hears is one of the following:
“I suck at presenting”
…or
“I am a bad person.”
Both are dramatic, the latter especially. Many people do believe that feedback is a personal attack on them, or that they are a worse person as a result of a present deficiency in a skill set.
Each time feedback is viewed as an attack it closes the door on receiving future feedback. The more times the receiver over-reacts or misconstrues feedback, the more resistant feedback givers will be to sharing in the future. Why would they continue to share feedback if they know it is not being taken the right way. What a great way to stop all improvement as a person or professional!
For the most part, the people you work with are providing feedback so you can grow as a professional and individual. Their intent is not to attack you as a person. It is to give you insight and share an observation that would not be noticed from your vantage point.
Shifting your mindset on feedback
It is necessary to displace yourself from the feedback. How you perform is a reflection of you; however it is not who you are as a person. Jumping to that conclusion is not helpful for anyone. Being a bad presenter does not mean you are a bad person. This is an internal misinterpretation and a bad road to go down. The mind plays funny tricks on us, so we need to train our mind to think differently.
Any feedback can be perceived in one of two ways:
- As an attack
- As a gift.
It is up to the receiver of the feedback to decide how they think about the feedback. If they choose to think about feedback as a gift or an opportunity to improve, then it will be.
From now moving forward, accept feedback and consider it a gift.
Where you want to go: feedback as a gift
So what does it actually mean to think of feedback as a gift? Let’s think of it in a different way: if someone had a magic way for you to become a better person or professional, would you be interested? I would hope so! Feedback is that magic way to become a better person and professional. Feedback, wrapped up with a bow on top, as a gift, is the best way for you to improve.
From the feedback giver’s perspective, they are taking the time to observe, note, and share their thoughts with you. They put time and effort into it! This is not an easy thing that anyone can do. As feedback receiver, it is important to appreciate their efforts to share, just the same as if they were giving a physical gift. And, they want you to be better because they believe you can be better! Typically the people sharing feedback are mentors or managers. They want what is best for you.
Let’s go back to the feedback example that was shared earlier:
“You do not appear confident when presenting to large audiences.”
After a mindset shift, this is what you now hear:
“I need to practice my presentation skills so I am more confident presenting to large audiences.”
The feedback receiver can now ask further questions, like “why do I not appear confident in presenting to large audiences?” These learnings can be practiced and applied in the future. And you can then ask the feedback giver to continue sharing feedback on your presentation skills.
The concept of thinking of feedback as a gift is not exclusive for development areas, like presentation skills. It also spans to the work that is done on a daily basis. If someone has an idea to share on how to improve a project, consider it a gift, rather than an attack on the work already completed.
How to practice
This is not an overnight shift for a lot of people. Thinking of feedback as a gift takes practice and intent to make the mindset shift. It requires proactive action in order to learn.
Feedback does not occur all the time, so in order to practice, you need to ask for it from someone you trust, like a mentor or manager. It is even better if you ask something specific: “what can I improve upon in communicating my project status?” From the feedback giver’s perspective this is easier for them to comprehend and provide actionable feedback, as opposed to the question: “do you have any feedback for me?” Being specific narrows down the range of feedback they can give, which is helpful.
Going into the discussion where you will ask for feedback, keep in mind that you will think of the feedback as a gift. This will put you in the proper frame of mind.
Upon actually hearing the feedback, ask a further question to ensure you truly understand the feedback or to get more details. Or simply sit and think about the feedback for a moment and what it means. Do not get frustrated or upset internally or externally! Remember your goal — think of feedback as a gift!
During that discussion it is important to thank the feedback giver for sharing. As mentioned previously, it takes time and effort to observe and share feedback, so showing appreciation is essential. Feedback is a gift — and you should always thank someone for giving a gift!
Here’s the cheese
- Feedback is not an attack on you as a person
- Thinking of feedback the right way requires a mindset shift
- Feedback is a gift that allows you to improve as a person and professional
