Humor, not to be taken literally, unless you want to.
From the Mainichi Daily Report newspaper:
Kagoshima school announces Head Coach for after school ‘Slacker Club’ program.
Parents in the town of Akune-shi rushed at the opportunity to encourage their 1st thru 3rd grade Jr. High school kids to sign up for Sensei Brad’s Slackers’ Club. “As soon as I and my husband read the school newsletter we looked at each other in amazement.” Said Komoko Yamazaki, a Satsuma region mother. “We could not believe our luck. We rejoiced when we learned that Sensei Brad was a native born Califroniajin, you know, the slacking capital of the world. And what’s more, Brad-san is a surfer, one of the most traditional cultural forms of slacking. He is a seventh dan slacker with years of experience and slacking tournaments behind him. Our children are very fortunate.”
Another proud parent spoke on terms of anonimity, ‘Shigehisa A.’ says: “ I feel greedy and slightly ashamed at how rapidly I pushed my son ‘Taro’ into Sensei Brad’s slacking club.” Many parents spoke about how hastily they acted upon the notice of the formation of the new club. “ There’s no time to waste getting my 2nd grader Yukina-chan enrolled. I want her to begin slacking under Brad-san’s guidance as soon as possible. My wife and I agree that the fact that Brad-san is a pro feminist slacking coach is a real plus. He is a master 7th dan slacker who fights for the right of girls and women to fully claim their slackerhood and train hard in the slacking dojo as equals to male slackers.” Said Jiro Takamatsu of the Yamashita district of Akune. Adding “ Sensei Brad’s dojo is like the Montessori School of Slacking. High quality, creative slacking and Akune needs that to build our future.” -
Indeed.
The kids seem to also be thrilled. Gone is the whap-whap-whap of bamboo shinai or practice swords, and the clink of kendo armor. Silent is the relentless after school pounding of table tennis and basket balls. No more badminton shuttles whooshing over nets. Outside the gym one can only hear some tenuous lazy throated murmuring, occasional restless foot shuffling as a group, and if you are patient a long yawn followed by an expansive yet unselfconscious sigh.
We tried to interview students enrolled in the slacking club, but we were intercepted by the kocho-sensei who headed us directly to his office and took questions about the newly established club.
“As the principal it is my solemn duty to ensure the success of the after school slacking program. We in Akune think it will serve as a model for slacking programs nation wide, and we are admittedly very proud.” The principal assured us that Sensei Brad was the best choice after a lengthy, but animated slacking coach search funded by a grant from the City Council on Education. “Since we invested so much effort into the finding of a 7th dan slacker who was willing to come to remote Akune we really want him focused on our children right now.”
Principal Akasanaganori then bid us farewell by inviting us to attend next summer’s ‘Akune Matsuri of Slack’ where the kids will finally make a public debut. He said we could judge the results of the program ourselves. We look forward to attending and reporting on next summers slacking festival. At the time of publication Brad Sensei has yet to return our emails or calls.
