Tooth of the Matter

Or better living through dentistry…

I cracked/broke a tooth a few months back. Had to get it fully removed. INCREDIBLE drugs to get it out — a horse tranquilizer I think. Everything turned into an orange smoothie within 30 seconds and I didn’t feel a thing. Brill!

A couple months later I went in to get an implant — not the tooth — just the thing the new crown will hook onto.

Went in today, not really knowing what we were going to do, and had the easiest dental appointment of my entire life. 90 seconds tops — all of it. Walking in the door and out.

Reception: Hi, Steve.

Steve: Hi.

Reception: Why don’t you come in?

But in my head I think she says seat. ‘Why don’t you come in and have a seat.’ I’m early. No one ever sees you right when you get there. It’s common knowledge. She must have said seat. Yet she’s coming around to the frosted glass door.

Steve: Oh, in.

Reception: What did you think I said?

Steve: Nothing.

She walks me back to a room. Oral surgeon is there. He’s giving me the non-verbal cues that I needn’t take my coat off. That is, his head is back and his elbows are in an up position.

Steve: How long is this-

Oral surgeon: Not long. Just open up.

I sit down and open my mouth. With a dental mirror he taps on the tooth next to the empty space.

Oral surgeon: Great, great. We’ll see you in six weeks.

Steve: That was it?

Oral surgeon: Yeah. Just listening for the sound. Make sure it’s bone.

Steve: Seems like I could have done this myself.

Oral surgeon: No, no. You can’t-

Steve: I know. I’m kidding.

Oral surgeon: Ah, right. Six weeks.

Steve: Six weeks.


Full disclosure: I’m getting used to running my tongue incisor-molar-empty space-molar-molar-molar.

Fuller disclosure: The rinse (medical grade) I’m supposed to use hasn’t been kind to the rest of my teeth. They’re looking a little methy.

Fullest disclosure: Which means even more time/money in/for the dental community. #sigh


Moral: Brush your teeth. And hope for the best.


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