Tsuris

I love my parents. LOVE them. But sometimess — when it involves technology and we’re on the phone — oy.

Typical conversation….

Mom or Dad
I’m on the computer and it’s not working.

Steve
Where’s the cursor?

Mom or Dad
There is no cursor.

Steve
What do you mean there’s no cursor? The little arrow?

Mom or Dad
There’s only my finger.

Steve
Are you… are you on your phone?

Mom or Dad
Yes.

Beat.

Mom or Dad
The phone is a computer, right?

Steve
No, yes. You’re right. It is.


Actual conversation from the other day…

Dad
I had to turn off the wifi for something and now I can’t get on the internet.

Steve
Ok, well, are you on your computer or-

Dad
The phone. I’m on the phone.

Steve
Ok, no problem. Do you see the upside down triangle with the lines on the top of the screen? I think it’s sorta on the left side.

Dad
Yeah.

Steve
Well, that means you’re on wifi.

Dad
But it’s not working.

Steve
Ok, let’s go to Safari. Are you there?

Dad
Hold on. Okay.

Steve
Alright, uh, type in tomatoes.

Dad
T O M-

Steve
Actually, type in these letters. T S U…

Dad
Hold on. I have to go back. Okay. T S U.

Steve
R I S.

Dad
R I S.

Steve
Now hit return.

Dad
Okay.

Steve
What do you see?

Dad
I’ve got tsuris.

Steve
So do I!!!

[Boom! I’ve KILLED it. This IS hilarity. HILARITY! I’ve got mad skills. CATSKILLS! I’m gonna change my name to Shecky as soon as I get off the phone. I can’t believe I just pulled this off. The crowd can’t stop laughing. There’s lights and confetti. A siren blares. It’s pure pandemonium. Chaos. No one can even breathe they’re laughing so hard…]

Dad
What do you mean?

[Sigh… Seriously?]

Steve
Read what it says.

Dad
It says trouble or woe. Aggravation. Oh…

[And finally he starts laughing — good big laughs.]

Dad
Tsuris. Very good, butch. Very good.

Steve
You’re on the net, Pop. You’re good to go.

Dad
Thanks.

Steve
No prob.


Full disclosure: My parents and grandparents would use an occasional Yiddish word from time to time, but it was never part of MY lexicon.

Fuller disclosure: In fact I didn’t even think I was paying attention. But when I had kids… vey iz mir

Fullest disclosure: And now to turn it back on my parents — nachas!


Every time you click that clap a puppy gets a belly scratch, an ear rub, AND a handful of super yummy crunchy puppy treats. But if not, it gets the hose again. Just saying…

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