Why I Pulled Away From My Tribes (and Why You May Want To)
At the end of 2013 I made the conscious decision to pull away from my communities. My mastermind tribe, entrepreneurial groups I had been active in, mentors, and even some of my fellow business building friends. I was feeling unhappy with my business and like it needed to better reflect who I was and the work I was here to do… not be just another online business doing the exact same thing as everyone else out there.
So I pulled away.
I didn’t post in Facebooks groups (or even visit them). I didn’t hire coaches or take any new programs. I didn’t read the blogs or websites of mentors and people I’d previously looked up to. I stopped “following” everyone. And I took serious space from everyone else and started focusing on what I wanted to create, which lead to some serious awesome.
I changed up my blogging schedule and focus.
I created a new offering unlike anything I’ve ever done.
I poured myself into the production and release of my first book.
I focused on creation and developed a ton of new content.
I cleared the clutter and shed old layers in life and business.
I focused on my health, happiness, and finances.
I learned that life, relationships, and experiences are my muses.
I not only uncovered more of myself and my truth, but I created greater alignment in my life and businesses, making everything I do more fulfilling, on purpose, and divinely inspired.
Could I have done this while staying connected to my tribes?
I’m honestly not sure.
But the fact is, I didn’t feel I could, so I honored that by stepping away. I believe strongly in creating space when it comes to creating alignment with our truth, especially in relationships. Whether personal or professional, it’s hard to grow when we’re trying to fit into other people’s perceptions and expectations of us. Especially with family and long time friends who feel we need to stay “who we’ve been” since that’s what they’re most comfortable with.
The beauty of stepping back is that it’s rarely forever. Sometimes it’s just a matter of finding our footing so we can stand firmly in our beliefs and self when we finally do come back.
How to Create Greater Alignment by “Stepping Back”
1) Consider where you need to step back.
Is it from your personal relationships because they’re stifling and limiting? Is it from the books and programs that all tell you to do the same exact thing as everyone else, over and over? Is it from the communities that have such strongly adopted beliefs and practices that there’s no room for innovation or experimentation? Or maybe it’s from your mentors, because it’s time to blaze your own trail and step into your power as a leader? Pay attention to where you feel the most stifled and why.
2) Create the space you need to grow.
This may mean anything from moving across the country to ending a relationship to going completely off the grid. It could mean taking a digital break and stopping the digestion of other people’s work. It may mean going on vacation and unplugging the entire time. Or it may be as simple as not running your ideas past family and friends until you’ve found your footing.
3) Focus on what feels right for you.
When you step back, focus on only the things that feel right for you. Do the things you feel compelled to do without having to worry about other people’s opinions. Experiment with doing things in a new and different way. Meet new people and experience new things. Make choices and decisions from your intuitive hits and not from other people’s opinions. This is the only way to grow into the person you’re meant to be, and having the space to do it is unlike anything else.
4) Come back if/when it feels like time.
In some cases, you may never return to certain people, communities, mentors or tribes, and others you will. There are certain mentors I’ve completely unfollowed who had a huge impact on me when I started out, while others I’ve chosen to work with again. There are certain communities I left without a second thought, while others I consciously came back to with a new focus and certainty of self. There’s no one size fits all plan for this kind of thing, so trust your intuition. If something or someone who once resonated deeply no longer does, that’s okay! Growth means shedding layers, people, things, and experiences that no longer serve us. You don’t need any other reason besides “this no longer feels right to me.”