An insidious conspiracy with terrible consequences that middle America has been duped into endorsing. Of course, with a breach so glaring, it would be necessary to disqualify the voice of anyone capable of blowing the whistle. Oh, right… the news networks.

Meanwhile, the GOP is so giddy with power they’re all clamoring to get onto the billionaire’s life raft, not stopping to think about the fact that they’ll be drifting in an ocean of chaos.

As for those middle American masses, well, Jesus will apparently come to the rescue. Hey, the gods came through for the Easter Islanders. Oh, right…