Definitely Maybe Actually Nevermind — A Review

Steph Hartland
2 min readDec 2, 2019


Saturday night. Ice cream, a bottle of pinot and the comfiest PJ’s available. Possibly some risky texts sent to someone who’s left the little blue tick on 3 previously sent messages.

It’s a position many of us have found ourselves in, desperate for comfort, self-indulgence and self-pity and seeking to find it in Bridget Jones’ Diary, in Notting Hill or on Holiday. Ultimately though, we all end up just a little bit Clueless, as is pointed out by the phenomenally sassy and refreshingly blunt Drag Artiste extraordinaire Crystal Bollix.

In case you couldn’t tell from the title, the many and varied flaws of rom-com chick-flicks are the focus of Definitely, Maybe, Actually Nevermind.

Alexandra Chirstle, the mastermind behind Crystal Bollix and the lead in this tumultuous and raucous take-down of an entire film genre, begins by taking on the destructive expectations that are created in these 120 minute bundles of bullshit. They quickly make their way through the “Hot Mess” character, the “Manic-Pixie” girl, the “Career Bitch” and several others. The systematic and methodical yet completely chaotic way in which these unrelatable and frankly insulting tropes are addressed and destroyed is beautiful to watch. The regular injections of humour and Christle/Bollix’s charming wit and raw talent make the show quite a spectacle.

The other characters who fill the stage bring together the general feminist theme of this piece in their own short performances. The “shy-girl” pianist’s (Lena Stahl) entertaining and poignant ballet dance pinpointed everything that is wrong with male entitlement while the “make-over” artist’s (Alissa Anne Jeun Yi) over-the-top routine accentuated the incredibly poor representation of body-dysmorphia and mental health in Hollywood. Particularly pertinent was Roz Whiteley’s disjointed reflection on the depiction of women in the media, emphasising just how utterly not relatable or representative film can be.

My only criticism would be that these guest performances could have been better seated within the main body of the show. While they were just as important and thought-provoking, their placement within the narrative could have been better developed.

Other than this, Kate Bauer’s direction was seemed fairly flawless. The creation of something so riotous, hilarious but hugely provocative and relatable is a feat worth congratulating.

Overall, this messy, wonderful and brutal annihilation of rom-coms was highly enjoyable for both its entertainment value and its social applications. Much deserving of 4 stars.