I’m not really the bar-pickup sort, either on the giving or receiving end. The number of times I’ve been alone in a bar and said more than a few words to a stranger probably fits on one hand.

My social life has been substantially digital, and going to a loud…

I was trapped. How else to combat a big lie but with another one?

“…nooo…” I retorted, with audaciously feigned surprise and instant heat to my face.

Reality, laid down as only a newly-minted teenager can do.

Cue: laugh coyly and change the subject.

We are all constantly reinventing ourselves…

[CW: descriptions of sex, sexual assault]

The first (decent) song I wrote: Fear Into Faith.

It’s mostly about a classmate I dated when I was young, who is fortuitously the only one in my entire dating career thus far to get a nickname like “Asshole Boyfriend”.

Like all my…

[CW: child pornography, child sexual abuse]

Published as shared with Stephanie Pakrul, November 2018


I don't feel this way today.

I cannot write this without prefacing it with that sentence. The shame still grips my throat.

I used to look at child pornography. I fantasized about your daughters and nieces…

[CW: sex work, some explicit discussion of sex]

Published from an interview with Stephanie Pakrul, November 2018.

Stephanie: Thank you for talking to me today! You once told me about your first sex date as a “Sugar Baby” and I’ve asked if you would share your story here. What…

I was deeply resistant to both purchasing and laying under twenty pounds of tiny glass beads.

imgur: fawlayer

Some part of me didn’t want to be okay on my own. I clung to wanting someone beside me to sleep. …


All stories on this site are the truth.

I have had the privilege and burden of carrying stories of considerable shame in my nearly two decades as a camgirl-slash-confidant and member of the human race. It’s time for our shared pain to come into the light, so we can help…

While curating a list of influential books, I looked back through my late 2012 purchase history

They corrected a few facts in my memory timeline and tell a story of the power of curiosity and human potential.

The moment is indelibly stamped, sitting in Dr. M’s office, gazing around for clinical tidbits to replicate in my doll hospital at home. I wasn’t sure what to make of the number of pothos vines she had draped around the packed bookshelves of her tiny windowless back office. …

So far we’ve covered AIML template/pattern syntax, sets, basic variables, wildcards, and simple recursion. Now let’s look at implementing a map of interests and opinions.

I’m choosing to do some of my interests as a map rather than written out in AIML because there will be many topics that I…

Stephanie Pakrul 🌈🖤🦢

Talk to me about mental health, nerdy things, entrepreneurship, sex work, polyamory, web dev, & life in a hippie hacker dorm in San Francisco. https://vct.im/LI

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