Holding Space

She always loved the nighttime.

Said she knew when she died that she would become stardust

that first she would be returned to the ground,

become one with the mushrooms and the moss and the flowers,

and then the end of times would return her to the cosmos.

I asked her when she lost God

and the heavens.

She told me that to answer, we would have to go to where she found them.

An old opera house stands next to an old sanctuary in a little town in Illinois.

The Phantom

begs for love at every waking moment

The preacher tells me only how I have lost my way

I can see what she means now.

We follow the things that touch us the most

I know I never touched her enough.

I know one of these days I won’t possibly be able to keep holding space for her in my thoughts

to keep saving her things for a sunnier June.

So

for now

I sing with the Phantom

and wait for the cosmos.