Unlikely Sisters
By Steve Wininger.
Spring semester at Indiana State University has ended and most students have already left campus. Fulbright exchange professor Dina El Ayak has been on campus since the start of the last fall semester. Her time in the United States has ended and it is time to return to her family in Egypt, however, they would have to wait a little while longer.
Dina was determined she was not going to leave ISU without saying goodbye to the one who had become her best friend, the one she has come to know as a sister.
Graduate assistant for the Center for Global Engagement, Polina Kaniuka wanted to pursue a doctorate degree at ISU, but in order to do so she had to return to her homeland in Ukraine to renew her visa and she wanted to visit her family as well.
Like the countries, which they come from, Dina and Polina could not be more different yet so much alike.
Separated by the Mediterranean Sea, the Black Sea and Turkey, Egypt and Ukraine are worlds apart in more ways than just distance.
Egypt is considered one of the more secular countries in the Middle East region, yet 88% of its citizens are Muslim while the Ukraine is 62% nonreligious or not affiliated with a religion. The two countries also have differing weather. Egypt is a warmer dry climate and Ukraine’s weather is similar to that of the Upper Midwest, which has longer winters and a greater contrast between seasons.
When Dina first arrived at ISU, she was shy and had anxieties because of being from the Middle East. Polina explains that she had a lot of ideas about stereotypes and thought that if people were mean or treated her badly, Dina would think it was because of the Hijab (head scarf) that she always wore in public or because she was Muslim.
“I tried to tell her that sometimes it is not about your religion or nationality, Sometimes people;” Polina, with her soft European voice explains. “There are some people who are nice and some that are not nice, and it doesn’t matter if you are white, black, female, male, they are just not nice in general.”
Polina, on the other hand, had been in the United States for some time and had already assimilated into American culture. Although this was the first semester for both women at ISU, Polina had already been in the US for two years, whereas Dina had only recently arrived.
Both countries have had, and to a certain degree, still have their share of political unrest, civil war and revolutions. The Arab Spring in the Middle East, which brought about a regime change in Egypt and the dispute with Russia and the annexation of Crimea in Ukraine, has left both countries with unstable political climates. While they may have similar political climates, their cultures are not so similar. Ukrainian culture more closely resembles that of the US, while the Arab culture Dina is accustomed to in Egypt is much different.
While both women have degrees from their native countries, education is what ultimately caused Dina and Polina’s paths to cross, and it was their cultural differences, which helped solidify their friendship, and eventual sisterhood.
International students tend to stick together and form bonds just like other groups on campus. Many freshmen experience culture shock because they have never been away from home for any length of time. Most new students have never lived on their own, and many are living a considerable distance from where they grew up. They are also experiencing new things and ideas that they have not known before. The culture shock for international students can be even more noticeable because they are an even greater distance from home, and the changes they are experiencing are more profound.
Dina explains what it was like coming to ISU, and one must bear in mind that she had already been through college and graduate school in Egypt. Dina’s culture shock was experiencing a completely new culture.
“I was all by myself then. Most female Arabs would be there with their family if they are single or with their spouse and children if they are married.”
Polina was more accustomed to living in the US since she had been here since 2011, however. Like Dina, Polina was new to ISU.
Dina came to ISU as a graduate professor, and was only supposed to stay here for an academic year. While she did take some classes, she also taught Arabic 101 in the fall, and 102 in the spring.
Dina admitted that she had anxieties about facing new students and asked Polina to come with her to class. Apparently, Polina was not registered as a student for the Arabic class but was simply there just for moral support.
“I don’t think Arabic 101 would have been as smooth if I didn’t have Polina by my side.” Dina
Said in an almost tearful voice.
Everyone deals with stress and anxiety differently. Polina had her way of dealing with the stress of living in a new place. Although it is not as prevalent as with Dina, and Polina does not openly admit to it, she seems to keep herself so busy that she does not have time to think about missing home or her family.
“The first thing I done when I got to campus was to look for everything that had anything to do with international students.” Explains Polina.
Dina looks and dresses like numerous women from Middle Eastern countries. Other than her dark colored skin, she always wears a hijab (scarf) in public, which indicates to most that she is Muslim.
She speaks with a definite Middle Eastern accent, but because of her linguistic experience gives her a good command of the English language.
Other than the Hijab, which also keeps her neck from being exposed, the only difference between the way Dina dresses and that of American women is everything except her hands and face are covered when she is in public. She always wears long sleeve sweaters and shirts, even when the temperature is hot outside.
Dina does not allow her religion and the fact she has to keep herself covered in public to stop her from enjoying activities with her friends, such as swimming. She wears a swimsuit designed just for Muslim women. The suit covers everything except her head and hands, so she wears her hajib also while swimming.
Keeping up with Polina is difficult for even the energetic. Polina was always on the go, and would not consider doing any activity without asking Dina to join in, but, as Dina admits, it was not always easy.
“She would ask me to do things and go places, and I have to tell you, sometimes I had to just say no because I could not keep up with her.” Dina recalled in a voice that revealed how happy the thought of them doing things together made her.
Like Dina, Polina is not very tall. She has long, straight black hair, which stops about midway down her back. The freckles on her round face are signs that she does not do well in the sun, and the paleness of her skin hints of living in a cooler climate. Polina said she thinks that women should dress more conservatively. Even though she tends to dress more like western and European women, she doesn’t dress flashy or revealing.
Over the course of the year, their relationship continued to grow. Whether they noticed or not, and indications are they did, they had become more than friends.
As they spent more time together, the bond between Dina and Polina grew. As both explained, they were the best of friends even like sisters.
Dina is the type of person, and has the type of personality that it attracts people to her.
“There is something about her, I don’t know, I think it is her sense of humor and kind heart that attracts people at once.” Polina said in her usual soft tone.
Polina was more of a pillar for Dina because she was always there for her when she needed her, and they considered each other more than a friend.
“I only have brothers, I don’t have a sister, but I believe if I had a real sister she wouldn’t be that supportive of me. I have had such a bad relationship with my family since I been back, that none of my family has supported me the way that Polina did.” Explained Dina, and then in a voice that you could almost hear the tears in, she said. “She is my guardian angel.”
Anxieties were building for Dina. Her year in the states was almost up and she was worried she would never see the woman who had become the sister she never had, who was not back from Ukraine yet. Campus was becoming lonely and empty.
“I was there all by myself.” Dina recalls, speaking in a voice of anxiousness as though she were physically reliving the experience.
Could it be she had waited in vain? It has been almost a month since classes finished and if Dina stays one more day she is concerned she will be an illegal immigrant because tomorrow will be the last day before she can make it back to Egypt before her visa expires. She hints as she is explaining her plight, that breaking the law of immigration for a short period to see her friend was a serious thought.
As Dina’s anxieties grew with each passing moment, then she suddenly seen a vision, a real person, which made her think that, no, hold on, the wait was not in vain. Polina had made it back just in time. One more day and Dina would have to leave.
Crying tears of joy, the day before they would be crying tears of sorrow, Dina and Polina hugged and cried because they had gotten the chance to see each other one more time before they had to part company again. Both knew that this could very well be there final physical meeting.
Upon returning to Egypt, Dina was not dealing well with being out of the states and away from all her friends, and her sister from Ukraine.
“For as empty as it was there,” Dina referring to the time she waited for Polina to return from Ukraine, “I didn’t feel half as lonely as I do right now… Its heartbreaking.”
Dina has been going through therapy for emotional problems and separation anxiety and says she is slowly getting better. She feels she will feel better once she gets back in the ‘atmosphere’ (mindset) she was in while in the US.
“It will just take me some time to get back in mental shape.” Explains Dina.
Polina was sad at the possibility they may never see each other again, and she missed Dina tremendously. Although Polina did not say she had separation anxiety, she did keep as busy as possible. Perhaps it is her way of dealing with the heartbreak of seeing her go, knowing she may never see her again.
“I am always on the go and doing things.” Admits Polina, with head slightly lowered. “I am so tired when I get home all I want to do is sleep.”
Polina was grateful that Dina stayed as long as she could but regretted she couldn’t make it back sooner to spend more time with her before the inevitable parting occurred.
Polina and Dina still stay in touch through Facebook and Skype, but hope one day they will get the chance to see each other again.
Dina confesses she has been changed for the rest of her life. Perhaps it is because she found a part of herself she never knew existed, which was the sister in her, and then it was seemingly taken from her. Both Dina and Polina are hopeful they can meet again in the future.
Polina wants to be an interpreter once she earns her doctorate. Her hope is to travel the world, which will most certainly include Egypt.
Dina hopes that maybe she can come back to the US and visit but this time under a tourist visa.
Perhaps fate has a different plan. As both Polina and Dina can testify, one never knows what is in the future.
Education brought them together in a place thousands of miles from where either of them grew up and lived. Maybe something else will cause their paths to cross again in a different place and time that neither of them could imagine.
“I believe in miracles.” Proclaims Dina.
