Trump’s USA: What Can We Do To Browns?

This Weak in Politics, Vol. 190

Jul 12 · 7 min read
Ask not what brown can do for you, ask what you can do to browns…

July 11, 2019

Week 140 since the last election, and 69 weeks to go until the next one, and Donald Trump is dancing with the ones that brung him. This week he continued to do what he does better than anyone else — cater to his base by torturing — not just figuratively — brown people. As a result, his standing with the Republican Party has never been stronger, and his approval rating has hit a new high of are-you-fucking-kidding-me percent.

Now, we aren’t saying that the president’s uptick in popularity is because he is appealing to xenophobic, misogynistic racists.

Wait. Yes we are.

But, it is also due in large part to two additional factors: 1) the American electorate isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, and 2) a robust appearing economy. That being said, Trump taking credit for the economy is like the rooster taking credit for the sunrise.

Two cocks and a rooster crowing

But back to the hate thing.

The (very) White House this week held a summit on free speech with such notable “people” as QAnon conspiracy nutjob, Bill Mitchell, the pushers of the notion that Oakland native Kamla Harris is neither black, nor American (no, not Trump, Jr., a different pusher of that narrative), James O’Keefe who is famous for two things: 1) making illicit, hidden camera conversations in which he induces people to say things that could be taken out of context, then taking them out of context, and 2) being an almost Rudy Giuliani level a-hole.

Seriously, the skinmates are running the asylum.

We don’t want to overstate it (because it can’t really be overstated), but think about what is actually currently happening. The president is trying to go around the Constitution and the courts to create a list of immigrants while at the same time he is holding refugees in concentration camps, and ordering government officials to go on a sweep on Sunday to round up people without the proper papers. And finally (at least for purposes of this already long paragraph), the president is also lamenting the fact that extremist propagandists are not being allowed to deliver what he refers to as “our message,” so he is entertaining laws to right this right. We refuse to draw any historical parallels, because that would be, you know…wrong. But also keep in mind that a significant part of the reason this is happening because of the man advising the president.

This man.

Immigration raids, children in cages, incarcerated refugees, lists of immigrants. Never mind a hate-hardon, this gives Stephen Miller immigrant-loathing nocturnal emissions, wet-back dreams if you will. If you think we are being too harsh on Herr Gerbels, if you don’t think, for instance, that this guy gives his little luger a tug every time he sees a man in a CBP uniform Caging a child or mocking Congresswomen, you haven’t been paying attention. The man is a walking recruitment poster for incels. Ok, ok…this actually is getting harsh.

But if it walks like a cuck, talks like a cuck…you know the rest.

Again, without intentionally overstating it, President Trump has an approval rating of 90% among Republicans, and, every time he kicks the browns, it seems to rise. And the GOP is more than happy to go along.

The president even has the endorsement of the official Ku Klux Klan newspaper. That is not a euphemism for Rupert Murdoch owned newspapers, we mean the ACTUAL Klan newspaper, the aptly named “Crusader.”

Which segues nicely to Kris “Chris” Kobach. I bet his mom would be proud if she were reading this.

For those of you who are unaware, Kris Kobach is the former Secretary of State of Kansas, and, in an interesting piece of trivia, is actually the answer to the question, “What’s the Matter With Kansas?”

He’s also a voter fraud conspiracy theorist who led President Trump’s bogus voter fraud commission, which we are told was just on the cusp of finding eleventy hundred million “illegals” voting in Delaware, but disbanded before making it public. He is now running for the United States Senate. The guy is so extreme, he has advocated for a system in which voter registration forms which contain even the slightest typo should be nullified and the registrant barred from voting.

He filed his candidacy and spelled his name wrong. We seriously can’t make this shit up. He spelled Kris, “Chris.” So here’s a little mnemonic device for him and for any of you who may need to spell his name. Think Kansas Kris Kobach. Kansas Kris Kobach. There’s probably an acronym to be had with that, too! And as an added bonus, his slogan can prove he is a Kansan, just like his fellow Sunflower Staters (another damn acronym that fits): “Kansas Kris Kobach — he comes from the hood.”

In other news, soon to be former Labor Secretary, Alex “Protect The” Acosta (to be read with Bernie Sandizz accent) is taking some heat for his botching of the Jeffrey Epstein child sex trafficking case of a decade and a half ago. Acosta argued there was some sort of situation involving state charges versus federal charges — perhaps some sort of potential double jeopardy thing.

Which is fitting, considering Epstein essentially said “I’ll take ‘no prison time’ for a billion, Alex.”

It was a small Acosta to pay for his crimes.

Acosta is again in the spotlight as Epstein has again been arrested for apparently forcing every person he has ever met into his sex trafficking ring. Acosta had to hold a press conference to try to explain his side of the story and point fingers at everyone not named Alex Acosta.

At his presser, viewers were able to see a whole host of negative feelings and emotions. In fact, remember when you were in school and they tried to teach you about your feelings? Yea, us neither. But we did do it in detox/treatment. And here is the chart they used.

As of yesterday, the chart has been updated for Trumpian times.

To think, those are just the ‘D’ words. If you would like to do a different letter of the alphabet, or if you are Olivia Munn, drop us a note at

The scandal is likely to embroil many 1% and famous people. Trump apologist and former respected lawyer, Alan Dershowitz, for example, has already had to try to distance himself from Epstein. Dershowitz says he indeed was present at Epstein’s home on numerous occasions, though he claims to have never seen any under age women, and admits that, while he doesn’t particularly like massages, he did receive one — but kept his underwear on.

Makes perfect sense to us. If one doesn’t like massages and one is offered one in someone else’s home, clearly the best thing to do is to strip down to your skivvies and say “have at it, woman who is very much of legal age and not underage at all.”

In international news, President Trump has finally stepped up to the plate and gone after Kim. He called the dictator a “very stupid person,” a “failure,” and someone the U.S. will not work with.

Shit. We just learned those insults were NOT meant for Kim Jong Un, the ruthless murdering dictator, who has threatened to annihilate the United States; they were meant for Ambassador Sir Kim Darroch, who called Trump inept.

As for the Democrats, there was some sort of news coming out of the House Democratic Caucus, in which centrists and establishment Democrats seemed to be at odds with some of the more outspoken members of the freshman class, or as they like to call them:

And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where…Megan Rapinoe. That is all. Megan effing Rapinoe. ‘Nuff said.

If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on and on twitter at @sbouchard67

Steve Bouchard

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Bouchard (1967-Now) is an American “writer” & “humorist.” A cyclist, he’s tied w/ Lance Armstrong in Tour de France wins. Combined w/ Jeff Bezos, is worth $100B

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