Becoming A Man In One Weekend


Shit.

There’s a lot to absorb from this weekend. You likely haven’t yet integrated half of the lessons + growth you earned these past few days. I know I haven’t.

But here’s what I’ve got so far:

A. YOUR TRUE NORTH IS GROWTH

We talked about having a strong purpose this weekend. We talked about having an undying devotion to that purpose. And you likely have a work related purpose.

All your decisions run through the filter of ‘will this move me closer to my purpose or not?’

But each of us proved this weekend that we have a personal purpose as well. The ‘true north’ for that personal purpose is growth.

The filter for your decisions is ‘will this help me grow more or not?’

I betrayed my personal purpose several times this weekend by passing up growth opportunities or taking the easy decision out.

But you better believe that as I keep growing, I’ll nail those decisions more consistently.

B. HIGH PERFORMING MEN LOSE A LOT MORE THAN THE AVERAGE MAN

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Let’s say you have two websites that are currently performing equally well. You begin running A|B tests on only one of them. The untested site will never lose a test.

The tested site is going to lose a bunch of tests. But a year later I’d bet anything the website that got stuck with the ‘loser’ label over and over will significantly outperform the ‘flawless’ site.

Yes — — I related a lot of shit to conversion optimization. You can like it or love it.

Get out there and test things. Explore, adventure, and do things that will put yourself squarely in front of the gun.

I got killed 5 times this weekend by putting myself in front of the gun, but more on that later.

Don’t just test things for the sake of doing it. Have a strategy + structured plan behind your tests. Listen to the results + data. Be prepared pivot, shift, + readjust when the circumstances change.

When a test has a winner, shed the loser + start your next test immediately.

There are only 3 ways to progress faster via these tests:

1. Run more tests

2. Win a higher percentage of your tests

3. Get larger gains from your wins

Here’s how you do that:

1. Don’t waste time

2. Have a structured strategy + plan. Learn something from both your winning + losing tests

3. Throw in some radical changes. Introduce variance.

You’re going to lose a lot of tests in life (regardless of whether it is you or someone else who is conducting the test). Things will change overnight. The world will put obstacles in your way & try to fuck you up.

But continuous growth + improvement is yours for the taking.

The obstacle is the way.

C. BE VULNERABLE….ASSERTIVELY

True or False: Vulnerability is weakness

I say false.

If you’re never vulnerable + never open, you’ll never be able to fully give or receive. Your armor will seal you shut. All your shit will stay inside you, festering & rotting.

If you’re never open + vulnerable, can you truly love another?

Can another truly love the real you?

Can you even love yourself?

Be open with others and yourself with what you’re feeling. Take action from that place. Ask for what you need from that place. Speak your truth from that place.

That requires courage. That eviscerates weakness.

D. EMPTY YOURSELF

You are full of shit. Maybe you’ve done a lot of work so now you’re only ½ full of shit or 1/73rd full of shit.

But imagine if every limiting belief you had evaporated. Visualize that those negative emotions, thought patterns, + self images were worked out. See yourself empty of all your shit.

Breathe.

Just for one breath, get into that state.

How does it feel? How much work are you willing to put in to feel that all the time?

Continue on your journey to empty yourself.

E. WHITE COLLAR VISION WITH A BLUE COLLAR WORK ETHIC

Ask anyone who knows me. I work hard. I love to work hard.

Hard work is the golden ticket to my dreams. It will create the reality I want for myself, my friends, & my family.

I could give you some additional insight into how to tap into your capacity to work in a way most people won’t so that you can live how those people can’t…..

….but I’m writing this for me first and you second. What I’m about to write will serve me more in this moment than expanding on hard work would:

We were asked why we’re not performing at the highest level possible + how you would feel at 75 if you never changed to fix that.

My answer was simple:

I can give freely but I have trouble receiving & struggle to ask for help.

People try to give to me all the time but I’ve had a hard time accepting their gift. If you’re not accepting a gift, you’re rejecting it.

Rejecting a gift is an insult to the giver, a tough way to deepen a connection, and a good way to ensure they won’t offer you many more gifts.

A tree receives carbon dioxide and gives oxygen. It does that with no second thoughts. Your lungs naturally do the opposite of that.

There is no resistance to either the giving or the receiving. If there’s resistance, you’ll begin to feel discomfort, choke, pass out, or even die.

After this weekend, I believe I’ve mostly worked through my issue with receiving, but if you want to tell me how much you enjoyed reading this and/or send me your most valuable possession just so we can be sure — — by all means feel free to do so.

F. YOU’RE TOTALLY RIGHT & YOU’RE TOTALLY WRONG

I got killed 5 times. I stood in front of the gun and got hit with a few shells, but I don’t walk with a limp.

Being killed really bothered me for 45 minutes or so. But then I realized something:

Those 5 women were totally right + they were totally wrong.

In those moments of walking up to + standing in front of them, I totally deserved to be killed.

But that was just a small sample of moments, not a definition of me. And I’m growing each day, I’m getting better still.

Even if someone saw something good in you this weekend (or you got a Fuck or Marry) — — that sentiment is both totally right + totally wrong.

One moment you’re strong and the next you’re weak. A small tweak can totally alter how you show up or are perceived. Any one moment does not define you — — positive or negative.

The trouble begins when you buy too far into the outcome of any one moment.

Buy too far into a negative result and you’ll create a limiting belief that you’re a failure or a loser or that you’ll never be or have __________.

Buy too far into a positive result and you’ll become cocky. You’ll take things for granted. You’ll put in less work + effort. You’ll elevate your opinion of yourself so high your wings will melt.

You’ll think you’ve arrived so you’ll stop growing. The minute you stop growing is the same minute you start dying.

Which brings me to….

G. GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING

I don’t know how you felt after the death exercise, but I felt like a warrior. I felt like I could tear through anything you put in front of me. In that moment, I could have killed.

For about 15 seconds, I’d never been more focused. I felt a slow but intense heartbeat pulse throughout my entire body & it heaved in rhythm.

It was incredible.

I need to figure out how to feel that more often, but I don’t plan on doing the death exercise every day.

Reaching that feeling is another project, but here’s how I’m going to approach death on a regular basis:

Do everything like it was the last time you’re going to experience it.

If you were outside and it started pouring rain and you knew it was the last time you’d ever feel rain, what would you do? Run inside for cover or marvel in the experience.

What if your next meal was your last? You’d probably slow down and savor each bite. You would eat mindfully.

What if the next time you had sex was your last? You’d be fully present to truly experience each intoxicating moment.

What if the next time you saw your Mom, it was the last time you saw her?

You’d forgive her for that one thing you’re foolishly holding onto. You’d let her know how grateful you are for her. How special she is. How much you love her.

Or, you could wait to do that next time.

But here’s your reality:

Next time? There may be no next time.