The Fluffy Bunnies and the Meanie Weenies
Terminology is ultimate organic, a bottom up idea. Outside of academia, people develop languages through usage, and so very quickly as games have rocketed into popularity since 2015 or so, people have lunged eagerly for terms to describe themselves. “Care Bear” is particularly common because lots and lots of players like playing games but do not want to be mean.
(Indeed, as an aside, for years during the rise of board games I asked every person I met why they didn’t like most board games. There were two answers and only two: they didn’t want to feel stupid when they lost, and they didn’t want to feel mean when they won. I think that’s really important.)
But anyway, I think there’s lots of different ways people feel they can or can’t be mean. Some people are total carebears and will never want to do harm, but others are more just watching the vibe at the table. Some people think it’s okay to lie about important stuff, some people think that’s just off the table entirely. Is it okay to deliberately play chess to a draw to annoy your opponent? Can you lie about your grandmother being dead to win a political game? Can you deliberately bowl the ball in cricket to hurt people so they can’t swing at it? These are real examples of real things. And the answer I generally find is while a lot of people have strong opinions one way or the other, it’s hard to find consensus, or even a sense of WHY. It just “feels wrong”, even if it’s not technically outside the game. Because that’s the thing about bleed: it’s always going on. The magic circle is not at all a barrier and everything flows both ways across it.
(If you don’t know what the magic circle or bleed is, I can provide links)
So anyway, I tried to think of how people make this judgement on what is and isn’t okay, what is and isn’t mean, what is and isn’t “cheating”. This isn’t a list that will apply to the same person in every game they play. That’s not the point, it’s not an enneagram or personality type. It’s a way to discuss what folks can and can’t do at the table. In that sense too, you might not be able to figure out which one you are, but instead be somewhere in the middle. You might be 20% Casual/80% Involved. Hence I’ve called them sliders, not switches or categories. Again, the idea here is to give you the language to talk about things.
(That’s generally the problem with tabletop games: we’re only just starting to talk about HOW and WHY we play them and WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE, and as a result, we have a very poor vocabulary. We’re borrowing from computer games a bit, but with mixed success (because we’re borrowing uncritically).)
Anyway, to the meat of it: here’s my six sliders of Being Mean. May they be of use to you.
Slider 1: How much does crushing your opponent appeal to you? Do you like to hear them scream under your feet (Destroyer) or do you wince if any opponent suffers (Empath) — even if you like feeling smart? (I’m definitely in the middle here: I love to win, but I hate people to have a bad game)
Slider 2: How much does making the best move matter to you? Will you puzzle out the most mathematically correct solution and damn all other concerns (Genius), or will you do something funny or to make a good story or to appeal to a person goal or just to move the game along (Whimsical). How much do you want to solve the thing?
Slider 3: How much can we break in and out of the metagame? Is it okay to use what you know about brad to manipulate him into making bad moves, or is it a dick move? Do you want to play the players and their human emotions (Manipulator), or play the game with everyone on equal footing? (Referee)
Slider 4: How much can the rules be bent to suit other goals or even victory? Are they written in stone and must be adhered to at all costs (Formal) or can we do take-backs and mulligans and underarm throws so everyone has the same fun (Bendy). Note that Bendy rules also mean you can still be very mean, because you can tell people your grandmother died because it’s not strictly prevented.
Slider 5: Are we here to play games or are we here to mess about? Do you want people to put most or all of their energy into the game (Involved) or is it okay to go and get drinks or wander off? (Casual) This one isn’t PRECISELY about meanness but it’s about focus so it is related. If Sally wanders off can we play his turn? Can we assume his side is out? Or would that throw off everything and mean we have to start again because who knows what Sally might have done?
Slider 6: How much are your emotions overall, outside the game, tied to your experience? Do you get only a slight thrill to win and just an intellectual curiosity when you lose? Or will losing (or having a bad hand) ruin your whole day? Are you emotionally Attached or are you Unbothered?