The Three Forms of Conceit

According to the teachings of the Buddha there are three forms of conceit:

1. Thinking you are better than someone else
2. Thinking you are worse than someone else
3. Thinking you are the same as someone else

I’m fairly sure all of us are familiar with the first form of conceit but the other two may be new to some. We typically view conceit as having excessive pride or self-admiration, but according to the Buddha it has more to do with maintaining a false sense of self. Just as your sense of self can be distorted by thinking you’re better than others, it can also be skewed with the belief that you are worse or the same as someone else. Thus conceit is a product of comparison — whether you perceive yourself as superior, inferior or equal is irrelevant, comparing yourself to others is in itself conceited.

If we take this ideology and apply it into the context of the ultra-competitive world we live in today, we would see that conceit is everywhere around us. Most people’s self-worth is determined by comparing themselves to others, whether it be the way you look, how smart you are, how much money you make or how good a person you are, we derive our own value based on how we stack up against other people.

It’s not all bad, healthy competition can end up pushing us to improve but when so much of our worth is tied into how we match up against others, we have this tendency to create bad behaviors to compensate for any discrepancies.

For example, someone who believes they are inferior to someone else may resort to bullying or putting someone down to feel better about themselves — it’s an easy coping mechanism. Moreover, someone who is better at performing a specific skill could correlate that fact into them being a superior person. This often leads to arrogance and the belittling of others to keep up the charade.

To avoid falling into these conceited habits, you need to derive your self-worth independent of everyone else. Stop playing the ‘Who’s Better?’ game and take up the mentality that the only real competition you have in life is the you from yesterday. Like I mentioned before, there’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition with others but it can’t be attached directly to your self-worth. You’re much better off embracing those around you as allies and learning from them, even if it’s what not to do!