The Brotherhood of Sisyphus.

If success breeds success, how do you succeed when you have not yet succeeded? Those of us struggling to find our feet look at people who are making it work, who are ‘living the dream’ and it is just so damn frustrating. All the faith of your friends, all the praise of your boss, it’s like a punch in the gut. It is a reminder that you are doing everything right, and yet for some reason it isn’t enough. You lack that secret, magic ingredient. Sometimes it seems like it is luck. You are told about what seems like a great job. You hunt down the posting. You click on the link.

“We are sorry, this position is no longer available or has already been filled.”

GAHHHHH!

How long since it closed? You wonder. Was it as short as hours? Minutes maybe?

Other times you are flabbergasted by the interview. You normally kill it, but now, when it really counts, they ask questions that you wonder how anyone but someone who has already done the job could answer.

“You do understand the concept of potential right?” “Just give me a chance to learn the job and I’ll excel I promise!” “NO?” “Ok fine, fuck you too!”… But of course you don’t say any of that. You say you are a proven quick learner, with years of experience in related, though not identical, fields. But the call never comes. Assholes don’t even have the courtesy to let you know they chose someone else.

In the midst of this it is easy to become infatuated with your own failure. To believe that it is your lack of success which defines you, because that seems to be the overriding condition of your life. And it starts bleeding into other aspects.

Your short nightly workout routine? Why bother, you don’t have the money to eat healthy anyway. Clogged pipe? Figures. Fix it? Ugh. Get up early to look for another job? Yeah fine. But when the alarm rings… You are just so warm. And there, wrapped in your sleeping bag (because blankets are for people who are succeeding enough to live like actual people) you feel like you actually succeed at something difficult (falling asleep) and it would be such a shame to ruin that with something you will just fail at (finding gainful employment).

Sisyphus

Ah yes, Sisyphus. Punished for all eternity to roll a rock up a hill, and then watch all of his efforts undo themselves… Feels like a prophetic story of your life, eh? Well I have news.

You. Are not. Sisyphus.

That, I think, is the key to thriving despite adversity. We feel kindred to Sisyphus because as humans we are inherently self-center, arrogant, and a little bit stupid. When we fall on hard times our gut reaction is to feel persecuted. But it is not about you. There is no great purpose to the universe which has decreed that you are destined to live a miserable life. When the rock rolls back down the hill, un-doing all of your hard work, it is not due to a magical curse or malevolent gods and especially not destiny. It’s just gravity. And despite the fact that it seems impossible to balance that boulder at the top of the hill, there is a promise that comes with the natural world. It is possible.

Keep trying, you can do this. You may not have found the way, yet, but if you keep trying, if you persevere, you will. That is not a promise, but a mindset. You have to stay focused on what you can control, and what you can always control is your reaction to circumstance.

So eventually, you look at yourself in the mirror and remember the drive you once had, and you force yourself to feel that drive again. Whether you want to or not, you workout at night, this time with an extra set because you don’t have the money to eat healthy. You teach yourself how to snake a drain because you happen to have a snake and can’t afford the easy chemical drain cleaner. And when the alarm rings, you take a deep breath, and you get up without snoozing. Because, you remind yourself, these are the small successes which will breed more success.