Hi Nancy! This is a subject I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and writing about. For me, it doesn’t make sense to say that God is in control of some of our experiences (the good times, the blessings, the pleasant dreams) but not others (the suffering, the hard times, the bad dreams). Surely either God is in control of our lives or He isn’t? Otherwise we would have to say God is somehow dipping in and out of our experiences, but that idea makes no sense to me. When I am on my knees praying to God to impact my life in a certain way, it is because I know He is in control of all that I experience.
There is plenty in the Bible that teaches the sovereignty of God over all events. I have quoted some of the relevant scriptures in this article: https://perfectchaos.org/2016/07/24/gods-sovereignty-in-scripture/
I believe that once we’ve accepted that God is in control we can explore the reasons why He might cause us to suffer. I trust that suffering always has a purpose, even if we can’t always see the purpose with our limited human awareness. As Paul says in Romans 8:28 — “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
God bless you and your family.