The First Mothers Day Without Mum
It has been 5 months since my brother and I lost our mum. I always knew that the first year without her would be one of the worst. All those firsts that come around like Christmas and birthdays.
Yesterday was the first Mothers Day without her. I underestimated just how difficult it would be. Not just on the day, but for the whole week leading up to it. All the advertisements on the radio and television talking about how special your mum is to you and showing a happy mother and son or daughter.
I would certainly never deny anyone that most precious time, and I didn’t tell anyone except my wife how I was feeling. But it seemed as though it was everywhere I looked, cards, flowers, presents. It was also hard arranging Mothers Day with my daughter, but it was a nice feeling to be celebrating it even without your own mum.
I have always been the type of person that doesn’t like to be around people when I’m upset or sad. This can sometimes seem to others as being morose or unsociable, but really its because I don’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even say anything to my brother until he messaged me and asked if I was OK.
Is this a feeling that fades over time? We lost our dad when I was 7 years old, so I don’t really remember how I felt. I hope that it does get easier, I don’t think I could deal with these anniversaries otherwise.
Having anxiety doesn’t make it easier, but at least I know that is part of me. I know how to deal with it and lessen it’s effects…well, usually. But grief is something totally different, especially when it’s someone so close to you.
I didn’t even look at Facebook that much because there were lots of posts from people wishing their mothers a happy day. My wife asked if I was going to post anything about mum. I hadn’t thought about it, but I decided that I would.
So I posted a video of her taking part in the ice bucket challenge. It’s a funny video and the type of thing I think she would have appreciated. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a sad occasion, because you can celebrate your mothers life even after she’s gone.