Out of the OUGHTism Box

We emerge from childhood into young adulthood as love and attention cripples. Most of us were told our entire childhoods what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. We end up with an emotional framework that leaves us seeking relationships, groups, and institutions to hook up to and feed off of. As a result, we continue the cycle of living by the expectations, standards, and mandates of others instead of listening to the quiet voices within ourselves. “Breaking out of the matrix” is very simple, on an intellectual level, but the emotional aspect of this work is extremely challenging. There are few love and attention resources in our current society. A loving, professional relationship with a competent therapist makes all the difference.

“This is how relationships/reality SHOULD work!” says the love cripple.

The OUGHTism Box is the emotional structure we keep ourselves confined to when our parental introjects reign with their mandate that we must live right by the standards and expectations of others. We feed these parental introjects with any unboundaried interpersonal contact with our parents. OUGHTism occurs when we do not test our principles against reality because we do not feel secure enough emotionally to submit ourselves to such rigors. We instead evade our inner strength. We live as great little students of the “masters” and do little to gain mastery ourselves. We heed their points of doctrine, never questioning that doctrine itself may not be what helps us to leave the OUGHTism Box. We cannot see the ways in which they themselves are love cripples. We live as we OUGHT to, as good little boys and girls for whomever we decide is our new parent figure (artists, thinkers, politicians, athletes however obscure or renowned). We feel empowered and sage on an intellectual level. Emotionally we hurt and hurt and ever struggle to be seen lest we give into nihilism and suicide.
A loving and professional relationship with a competent therapist, where there’s no “free” therapy and the fee paid is sacred, allows us to pursue emotional independence under our own economic steam. No amount of books, podcasts, or videos can substitute for an accurate therapy relationship aimed toward truth. No friendship is a substitute for the professional service of therapy.
The very best kind of therapist will love the client, genuinely from the heart, as the client becomes more and more independent. The client’s philosophical point of view will shift from one of needing the approval and sanction of being a good boy or girl for the parent figure to one of authentic volition and a courageous discovery of the truth. Principles, maxims, and strategies become tested against reality and a great adventure begins to take place. The emotional and intellectual lives become wedded.

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