NYC bucket list

I came to NY with big dreams. Here’s fifty I’ve been meaning to get around to…

1. Provide a tourist with convoluted, but optimal directions.
2. Weekend brunch (literally a 48-hour brunch).
3. Catch the Z train and receive my free wish.
4. Wish for more Z trains.
5. Settle for a J train, which grants three suggestions.
6. Get my damage deposit back.
7. Chip off a piece of the Empire State Building to sell on eBay.
8. Go running in Central Park.
9. Mug someone in Central Park.
10. Laundry.
11. Reward the righteous, punish the wicked. Make a Yelp account.
12. Netflix and catch a chill due to poor insulation and lax building codes.
13. Write thank you notes to all the Chinese food delivery moped drivers.
14. Have sex inside the crown of the Statue of Liberty.
15. Escape from Liberty Island.
16. Take 40 dollar bills into the Union Sq. subway station and become a patron of the musical arts.
17. Make a home-cooked meal. Give up. Go crawling back to Seamless.
18. Buy a one-way Greyhound ticket home to momma, but change my mind before the bus leaves the station because something inspirational.
19. All the museums I’m still allowed in.
20. Start a band. Argue about album art. Sell out.
21. Open a gallery. Argue about surrealist art. Sell the space to a Starbucks.
22. Start an obscure, but noble-sounding philanthropy.
23. Mentor youths in exchange for a 10% cut of their earnings if they make something of themselves someday.
24. Sneak a sausage egg McMuffin™ into Tiffany & Co. and hum “Moon River” quietly to myself. Buy their smallest diamond so I can use their bathroom.
25. Study latte-art from the masters in Brooklyn and learn from the impermanent beauty of the milk-froth to let go earthly attachments.
26. Roll around in the fresh garbage piles.
27. Broker a lasting peace between the garbage rats and street cats. Write a musical about it.
28. Discover a North-South Passage between Bushwick and Park Slope.
29. Trudge gloomily through the rain and pass neon signs advertising gin, girls, and $5 comedy shows.
30. Instagram all the cool neon signs harkening back to when NYC was a crime-ridden murder pit with real character.
31. See if Wall Steet is as exciting as Bernie Sanders says.
32. Tag a subway car.
33. Commission a graphic designer to iterate on my tag to create authentic and expressive mark that conveys my personal brand.
34. Focus-group my tag to see if Caucasian men and women ages 25–40 consider it authentic enough.
35. Drop a penny off the Empire State Building to make a wish.
36. Wish for more pennies.
37. Hire movers. I carried that queen mattress up five stories. Never again.
38. Pay it forward by leaving furniture all over the sidewalk.
39. Assemble an expedition to discover what’s beyond 116th St. Some claim you just fall off the edge, but most scientists agree that Manhattan is round.
40. Netflix ’n’ chips.
41. Fight crime by learning kung-fu, building high-tech gadgets, and developing a secret identity.
42. Fight crime by learning education policy, building affordable housing, and developing economic opportunity.
43. Try to get Hamilton tickets.
44. Perform Hamilton starring my roommates and the local street cats.
45. Ask a food cart if I can order off the “secret” menu.
46. Figure out where I left my car.
47. Netflix and wallow.
48. Find and defeat the Master Roach.
49. Something to do with bagels.
50. Move to Boston, DC, or LA and regale the spellbound yokels how their cities stack up against NY’s cuisine, cultural offerings, and existentially-fulfilling nightlife.