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by Steven W. Rouach

Japanese Prime Minister attempts to restrain Donald Trump from crashing local wedding, gets overpowered, Trump then grabs mic and sings his favorite German marching songs from the 1940’s to shocked wedding guests.

Mar-a-Lago Resort’s Underground Satanic Church, Provides Comfort and Opulence When Summoning Demons.

Stephen Miller Bombshell: Stephen Miller’s mother admits to Munchausen syndrome, fed him only Pine Sol for first 14 years of his life. (Said: he had the only face a mother could not love.)

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Angry Giant Demands Sentient Missing Toe Back, Stephen Miller Flees Country!

“Flynn” becomes new term: for losing a job within 30 days. (“I got Flynned”, or “I pulled a Flynn” are now in common use)

Stephen Bannon’s Eczema Under Microscope, Revealed to be Multiverse of Microscopic People On Fire Screaming. A Science Exclusive.

Jeff Sessions Claims; Burning Crosses Not Racist, Decorative

Jeff Sessions Claims: To Be Against Transgender Bathrooms Because It Causes Confusion to His Hobby of Hiding Cameras in Bathrooms.

Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, & Rex Tillerson to Head GOP’s Weekly “Eyes Wide Shut Party” Planning Committee. Currently Seeking Escorts Who Don’t Mind Getting Murdered. Also Looking To Subcontract for Decorative Masks.

Emotional interview with Sesame Street’s Ernie about Stephen Miller… “It’s like I don’t even KNOW Burt anymore”..sobs famed muppet.

Trump / GOP Supporter = The unfortunate result of when your parent’s parents are both the same people. (Inbreeding is illegal for a reason.)

Harrison Ford Fans Plead To Famed Actor To Land Plane On Trump And Pence. “Please use your awesome and terrifying aerial abilities for good instead of evil” says fans.

Kellyanne Conway Resigns To Focus On Exfoliating and Moisturizing, Also Plans Detoxification.

Trumps Mental Health Questioned When He Tries To Eat Staff Member’s Baby And Has to Be Physically Restrained.

How Trump’s Staff Had To Physically Restrain Him From Wearing Blackface Makeup For Entire Black History Month.

Trudeau Confirms: Trump Has Cooties. Trudeau Takes Cooties shot after exposure, using free Canadian Health Care.

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