Boozy brunch is a terrible thing. It’s a terrible restaurant ploy aimed at fleecing young professionals by convincing them that drinking before 11 a.m. is an okay and normal thing to do.

Going to a boozy brunch is perhaps the worst and most efficient way to waste an entire day. You’re screaming at your screen right now: I’m 25 and I have a job and I pay my student loans on time—why can’t I get loaded while breaking my fast?

But let’s walk though this.

You wake up at 10 a.m.. Commence boozy brunching at 11 a.m.. It’s bottomless, so you’re trying to get your money’s worth (read: get drunk). You opted not to get the most filling breakfast so not to compromise amount of booze you could drink. You stay until 1:00 p.m.. You’re drunk.

You feel elated. Damn, what a great way to start the day. Being an adult rules. You head to a bar afterwords. Keep this weekend rolling! After two drinks you head to the bathroom. Pee time. You wash your hands and gaze into the mirror. What you see is not the glowing fun-loving person. We need to be careful here. Oh no, I’m thinking those thoughts. You’re thinking those thoughts. It’s 3 p.m..

No matter how much water you chug, or Red Bull and vodkas you down—you’re very careful to point out that you want a Red Bull and vodka—you can’t seem to keep your eyes open. Conversation threads are lost. Time to go home. it’s 4 p.m..

You get home. It’s 4:30 p.m.. Time to pump the brakes. Eat some carbs. You just need to lie down for an hour. Then, you’ll wake up refreshed to meet your friend for birthday drinks later tonight.

You wake up. It’s 9 p.m.. You won’t be going to birthday drinks. You go back to sleep. Maybe you can get brunch tomorrow morning?

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this post misstated the commonly accepted start time of boozy brunch. It is 11 a.m., not 9 a.m..