From Heartbreak to Heaven
The Story of the Martinez Family
Most of us would agree, children can bring the greatest joy and the greatest heartache to parents. Having children is a monumental responsibility, said to involve a 20-year commitment on the part of parents. For that reason as well as others, some couples choose to not have children. Some may even go so far as to have elective surgery to prevent them from doing so. For others, the choice is made for them. Either due to illness, injury, non-elective surgery, or potential hazards with pregnancy, they are unwilling or unable to have children. But that does not prevent some of them from wanting to have a family.
For such ones, adoption sometimes provides an alternative solution. And whereas many potential parents are very responsible individuals, actually getting pregnant and delivering a child requires virtually no plan, preparation, or even responsibility. On the other hand, adopting a child, particularly a newborn, can be an excruciatingly complex, laborious, and emotionally draining process — and at times quite painful. Trina and Victor Martinez found all of this to be true and experienced a whole gamut of emotions on the road to adopting their beautiful daughter, Maddox.
Trina Sherman and Victor Martinez met later in life. Victor was born in Mexico City in 1972 and has been living in Ontario for over 20 years. Trina was born in Baker City in 1974. They met through an online dating service in December of 2009 but did not meet in person until nearly two years later. Why so long? They said they didn’t want to rush into anything but wanted to get to know each other better. They both wanted to take enough time for everything to be right. And right it was. They were engaged in February of 2017 and got married that July. They currently live in a nice subdivision in the Alameda area with their three cats, Squeak, Scotchy, and Suri (Suri was too camera-shy for the photo session).
Trina is the Coordinator for Student Services with the Ontario School District. Victor is a supervisor and technician at Baker and Murakami Produce here in Ontario. Trina is a self-confessed Disney addict, as these photos clearly indicate. In fact, Maddox has already made four trips to Disney World in her short life. Trina also loves to bake, read, and watch movies. Her husband is into mountain biking, kayaking, swimming and hiking. He loves technology and is an audiophile junkie. Victor admits he is also a bit of a Mexican food snob. Wherever the family travels, he seeks out the Mexican food restaurants and does his own critique of each one. He is also involved with the Ontario Feral Cat Project.
They do like to travel and have been to San Francisco, San Diego, Disneyland, Las Vegas, the Oregon Coast, and Mexico. They a planning a trip to Hawaii this spring. They go to Florida at least once a year and Victor visits Mexico several times a year because of family, friends — and food!
Victor and Trina both really wanted to have a family but, being in their late 40s when they got married, they agreed it would be wiser to not have a natural birth. After deciding on adoption, they submitted an application through a private agency in November of 2019. At that time, they were put on a waiting list.
Private adoption, also known as independent voluntary placement, is when a birth parent voluntarily places their child with an adoptive family of their choice. With public adoption, on the other hand, the Department of Social Services takes custody of the child and the birth parents have no say in where their child is placed.
The private agency the Martinezes used limits the number of applications that it services at one time in order to ensure that it can fulfill the needs of each individual. Though preferable over public adoption, the process of private adoption is a very difficult and emotional one. Says Trina, “It starts with mountains of paperwork that exposes every aspect of your life for inspection: family, social life, financials, home conditions, etc. Once everything is evaluated and you are approved, you create a profile that is presented to the expectant mothers.” Once your profile is posted on the agency’s website, you have to wait for an expectant mother to either find you online or come in to the agency to be presented with your book. “We officially became a waiting family in the summer of 2020. Then the waiting begins.”
And, as they say, the waiting is the hardest part.
The waiting was finally over a few months later, and in the fall of 2020, they got the call. A situation in Georgia had made a baby available. They needed to do some paperwork quickly because the baby was waiting. Full of anticipation and excitement, they hurriedly completed the paperwork and scrambled to get things together for the trip. A few hours later they got another call. It turned out there was another interested couple and the birth mother had chosen the other couple. Completely deflated, all they could think of was that they were glad they hadn’t bought the plane tickets yet.
The waiting resumed.
In January, their profile was presented to another expectant mother. Once again, it was down to them and one other family. Once again, the other couple was chosen. They had to wait until spring before the next call came in. “Third time is a charm, right?” quipped Trina. “Not for us.” A baby was to be born in Texas, and for the third time they drew the short straw; another couple was chosen. As heart-wrenching as this was for Victor and Trina, it didn’t compare with the what the chosen couple experienced when they got all the way to Texas only to find out that the birth mother had changed her mind. “That is heartbreak I would not wish on anyone,” said Trina.
Then the adoption world went silent.
It was nearly a year later before the Martinezes heard anything again. A local situation arose of an expectant mother considering adoption. They expressed their interest, but they felt that the likelihood of this panning out was slim. And indeed, the mother decided to parent instead. Heartbroken and exhausted, Victor and Trina had pretty much given up on the hope of and dream of having children. Although they went ahead and renewed their home study for a second time in August of 2022, they told their social worker that this was going to be the last time. “For us, it had been a long three-year journey of heartbreak.”
The next month, on Thursday, September 22, they received a call from the agency about a situation in Portland and wanted to know if they were still interested. The expectant mother as due on September 25th, just three days away, and they needed to know right away what Victor and Trina wanted to do. They read the birth mother’s profile and with cautious optimism, asked that their profile be presented to the birth mother. They chose not to get their hopes up because this time they were just one of five couples that were being presented. Because of past experience, this seemed like a real long shot. The next day, Friday the 23rd, they were told that the mother had still not made a choice and that they would let them know when they hear more. On Saturday, the agency called to say that the expectant mother had cut off all contact. Their hearts sank.
Emotionally drained, they knew all they could do was to wait. After all, it wasn’t the 25th yet. “At this point, we were invested but not hopeful,” said Trina. “We had been here before.” Sunday, September 25 came and went and still no word. On Monday, the agency finally called. The baby had been born! They shared the circumstances of the birth with Victor and Trina and asked if they were still interested in being considered. Of course, the answer was yes. It was now down to them and three other couples. After an interminably long morning and early afternoon sitting anxiously by an unringing phone, the call finally came. “We were chosen! and how fast could we get to Portland?”
Suddenly, all the anguish and heartbreak of the past three years melted into a distant memory and a heavenly calm took its place. But only momentarily; they still had a long way to go in a very short time. Trying to keep their excitement in check, they made it to Portland in record time. “22 hours after she was born, our daughter, Maddox Jade Martinez, was put in our arms — never to leave us again!” She did have to spend 10 days in post-natal intensive care, but Victor and Trina were at her side every minute. And then they finally got to take her home. What a joyful and thankful trip back to Ontario that must have been! After that, the agency made two more home visits, and then it all came down to a court decision. The wait was excruciating. At long last, on December 6, 2022, the courts made the final and official determination: Maddox was now Victor and Trina’s daughter — forever! Trina’s closing evaluation was, “She is the perfect gift from God and is the missing piece that fits right in our family.”
There is an old proverb that says, “Expectation postponed makes the heart sick, but a desire realized is a tree of life.” * Through their three-year emotional rollercoaster ride, Victor and Trina experienced the truthfulness of that aphorism. As you can see from the photos of his heavenly little princess, for them the final outcome far outweighed the pain of the trial. The birth of a child is definitely a gift and a miracle. Parenthood can be both a challenge and a joy. Good parents will experience many more joyful moments in their child’s life that sorrowful ones. And Victor and Trina Martinez are going to be great parents!
*The Bible, Proverbs 13:12 — NWT
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