I float almost weightlessly; feeling the water encompass me as a refreshingly cool blanket. I close my eyes as I swim back to the surface, enjoying the sensation of the water as it flows around me—making way for my intrusion. I come up refreshed and invigorated. All my life I have been a swimmer, and to this day the sensation of it never gets old.

One day, several years ago, all my love for the water paid off as my swim instructor (soon to be boss) asked me, “Do you want to take the lifeguard training course?” Without a second thought I said “yes”. Not so much because I wanted to save lives, but because I wanted to be involved in anything having to do with the water.

While taking the course I began to learn much more about the water, and how its misuse could result in bodily harm and even death. My group watched training videos, did drills, and saw disturbing images of injuries. I was able to perform unflinchingly through these things; coping with all that I saw by disconnecting my emotions while my fellow trainees cringed and yelped. Soon, training was coming to an end, and it was almost test time. I was not concerned about my test score so much as I was about my reaction to all I had seen. I began asking myself “Am I a heartless wretch?” and, “Should I even be a lifeguard if I don’t react the way everyone else does?” I still had these questions running through my mind as I took the test.

Later on I received a phone call “Congratulations Stewart,” my new boss said, “You passed second in your lifeguarding class, and have been selected to be a Jr. Lifeguard”. I put down the phone after my hurried thanks, and sat in silence. I was glad I had received the position, yet I still had those same nagging questions running through my mind.

New employee orientation came and went, and so did my questions. I hadn’t answered them; I had simply allowed the hustle and bustle of a new job to gloss over them. I began to become more acquainted with my fellow lifeguards and the procedures for cleaning and maintaining the pool. I soon became efficient in every area of my duties, and found it fun to work as a lifeguard.

On my first day of duty I came expecting to save a drowning victim; instead my boss told me “Get a pair of gloves; we got a throw-up mess on the baby pool deck”. Five minutes later I found myself sitting and scrubbing the deck clean, as my body sweated from head to toe in the hot sun. I began to realize that all the training I had done to save lives prepared me for the worst, and usually the “worst” never happened.

One month later I found myself in an increasing apathy toward my job. I was day dreaming and distracted when I was supposed to be focused on the patrons in the water. Instead of offering to get a child (that was an in-adequate swimmer) a life-vest, I would simply watch as they passed by—waiting till someone else dealt with the problem. But the worst of all was when I was asked by an enthusiastic lifeguard, “How many saves have you gotten so far?” and my answer was “None, and there probably never will be one”.

The shock of hearing those words come out of my mouth made me realize just how far I had fallen from only a month ago. I began to ask myself those questions once again, but this time I knew the answer. “Yes, I really don’t care, and no, I shouldn’t be a lifeguard,” I thought to myself. I resolved to change my attitude toward my job, but soon found that I couldn’t. I had no reason to be there.

Instead of day dreaming on the stand I became lost in thoughts of, “I really shouldn’t be here” and “I have to get my act together”. Now I found something was even distracting me from those thoughts.

“Wait. Is that someone yelling my name?” I snapped out of it and looked around to see my boss yelling and pointing to the water. “Stewart, jump in!” Looking down I saw two young boys gasping for breath between gulps of water and flailing arms. In that moment of time I didn’t think at all; I didn’t have to. I quickly blew my whistle, positioned my rescue tube and jumped in the water.

Approaching the victims I calmly told one “I have you,” grabbing the boy with my right arm and telling the other “grab on to the tube,” as I side-stroked to the edge of the pool. Five minutes later they were sitting on the side of the pool wrapped in towels as they cried to their mothers. The mothers thanked me for what I had done. I told them I was simply, “doing my job,” as I got out of the water and dried myself off.

I began to walk to the office to write up an incident report. On my way a lifeguard slapped me on the back “Nice double save man,” and my boss said “Thanks Stewart”. I still answered the same generic “I was just doing my job,” to both of them, not knowing what else to say.

I sat mindlessly writing as I thought through what had just happened. “It was all so fast, and I still reacted correctly,” I said to myself. “But did I do it because I cared about the boys, or did I do it because ‘it’s my job’?” At that moment one of the little boys came over to me with tears drying on his face and said, “Thank you Mr. Lifeguard”. It was then that all the questions faded, and I knew that if I hadn’t been fit for this job before, that I was now. I looked at the boy and smiled as I said, “You’re welcome”.