The One Thing That’s Turning Your Networking Into S — tworking, And What To Do Instead

Networking advice is one of the banes of my existence. There are thousands of articles written about networking, and hundreds are shared and promoted every single day. I’ve even written one, adding to the barrage of information.

We’ve all heard about the old boys’ club. We’ve all heard that the best jobs are almost always given by referral. And we’ve all heard that sayings like “That industry is all about who you know.” And these things may be true. But they do not cover any nuances. Your industry may be all about who you know, but how do you know someone? Knowing someone isn’t as simple as remembering their name, age and favorite band.

Sterile Terminology

Gurus and intellectuals like to sterilize and “sciencify” anything humans do into a barrage of sterile, technical sounding terminology. Human resources, productivity, networks, and a whole host of similar terms have come from these career dehumanizers. Some of the terms are useful when describing phenomenons, but often end up abused in practicality.

Networks, for example, don’t exist in real life. They are not a measurable things where human relationships are mapped, nor the nature of these relationships, and the bonds between them. The network is an inhuman metaphor for all of your relationships. You can label a relationship personal or professional if you choose to, but it’s still a relationship between two human beings.

The smile you give one of your friends is so different from the smile you give a mere connection. It’s a warm smile, as opposed to the professional “how-are-you-doing-I’d-rather-be-talking-to-that-cute-boy-or-girl-right-now” smile. Why would you stoop so low as to dehumanize anyone you hold a conversation with to the level of a connection, a mere plug in which you’d stick your proverbial network cable?

Build Around Friendships

The so-called network is an academic term that became popular in the 1980s. Before then, networks were barely mentioned. Networks are relationships between people, and relationships are built around friendships. When you help someone move their furniture, they will do much more for you than any so-called connection you had a superficial connection with ever will.

Your network can be wide: with a terrible router and spotty WiFi signal hidden behind a paywall, or it can be deep: connected with a real wire and serious speed.

That secure wire is built on trust. And trust comes from a strong relationship: A friendship.

So stop networking, and start making friends.