Agreed 100%. I have always said it is not the crazy people or the predators who are the dangerous ones it is the enablers. Those who diminish or excuse inexcusable behaviours. “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing .It starts with “boys will be boys”. From that simple excuse maker comes all kinds of horrors. “ Evil cannot exist in a vacuum,
it needs helper bees and you have poignantly described how you were constantly re-victimized by these helper bees .
When you have a teenage girl calling a crises line asking
” is he being abusive or is he just being a jerk”
then “boys will be boys” has kicked in .
When you have a presidential candidate bragging about being a sexual predator and defending it as just boy-talk
then “boys will be boys” has kicked in.
“boys will be boys” is one of the vilest and most dangerous condemnations to the our social fabric.
It allows inexcusable behaviour to be reframed and go unaddressed.
It leads to women clenching their teeth and acquiescing
— then being blamed for wanting it
It leads to faux flirtation to de-escalate the situation
— as if it was her problem to fix
It leads to going along with it — then being told you asked for it
It leads to “ he is joking right?”
— because women are not taught how to handle unwanted attention.
What is worse women and men are taught
that the highest form of a compliment is to be sexually desirable.
That is why male predators can claim they have the highest respect for women because they lust after them, they find them desirable
and that in and of itself is the highest form of respect.
Both women and men buy into that and “boys will be boys”
means there can never be such a thing as unwanted attention
or sexual assault and it leads to
“Later, when I tell my mom, she smiles and says
I’m turning into a beautiful woman,
so I shouldn’t be surprised if guys start noticing me.
“boys will be boys” leads to thinking that sexual assault
is about sex and desirability, when it is about power and control.
The saddest part of your story
was how your mother had bought into being desirable
as the highest achievement of a woman
and how she tried to inculcate you into the dogma.
The happiest part of your story is how you could not be indoctrinated
and instead became an incredibly beautiful , strong, resourceful , inspirational person.
SEE: If Men Could Menstruate. by Gloria Steinem.
“the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be,
are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless
— and logic has nothing to do with it. ”
SEE THE BOOK — by Dan Abrams
“Man Down: Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt
That Women Are Better Cops, Drivers, Gamblers, Spies,
World Leaders, Beer Tasters, Hedge Fund Managers, and Just About Everything Else”
“Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair.”
― Edmund Burke