The tale of I
A transient glance that tingled my core. I had heard about the myth called ionization and the elation accompanying it. But here I was, experiencing a situation that I’m certain, comes close to it. “Never before, never again”- I muttered. In all honesty, I selfishly wanted to experience it again. I had not been taught the nuances of memory, patterns, or repetitions. How was I discerning something so unimaginable? I am an electron and No! I am not meant to be this way.
I felt a glimpse of her a while back, having abruptly woken up from my slumber. In the midst of the chaotic nothingness, there she was. Spinning a delightful web of fractals, I felt her form-like exterior coercing me. It was another electron! Until then, I knew everything about myself and the void around me. I made complete sense and it only had me. This was new, and it was beautiful. Reconciling with the majesty of the situation, I leapt towards her.
But how did I know it was a ‘her’? Oh, I knew for sure. For when I spun one way, she spun the other. When she seemed indispensable, I seemed redundant. When I felt carefree, she was unquestionably remorseful. We were complementary in one dimension, indistinguishable in another. A match made in heaven. My notion of this heaven was eternity- I was tired snapping out of existence and being hopelessly ephemeral. I wanted the moment to last forever, however mundane. This was my vice and in this, I was none the wiser.
She whiffed closer with unbridled joy- her trail of fractals arousing the void. Embrace the journey, let go the destination- I was taught. I was savoring every moment, with my limited consciousness . And somewhere along the way, the mysticism began to wear out. From an orbit called utopia, I swayed to one laced with reality. As I swerved around that familiar corner, pertinence asked if I was willing to commit? What is commitment after all?, I asked myself. Eternity was elusive but not anymore. She was going to be here, staring at my face. Commitment is acknowledgement, commitment is an essence, commitment is rational. Did I want this? Was I ready for this? My head hurt.
When I woke up moments later, I was back in the sea of utopia. Did I never digress or was I routed back? Either way, this seemed the new reality- thanks to fate. She was now in front of me and I was ready to be sensed. In a flash, we bounced off each other into territories unknown. The repulsion was so vile. She was this close and now she is farther than oblivion.
Oh, how could this ever work?, I wondered. I am not meant to be. In a strange way, rationality and acknowledgement had taken over- I now had an identity. Or so I thought, until I faded away.
This was me. An indelible reflection of myself. Forever alone, yet never lonely.