Back to my old self..
Day begins, just like any other, I hope the day to be different..yet there is indifference in my tone as I wake up.Evening falls, birds retiring filling up the sky…driving home, i think of my day behind me and the evening ahead of me..was a good mom, was a good wife, was I good at work today..did I give my best to myself?, the nagging feeling starts to hit, breath becomes heavier…juggling to be a mom, engineer, wife, daughter, friend is difficult.
I wonder how I can make this all go away this instant, turn my life back to what it was..I was a girl who had no aspirations, just wanted to be good at whatever i did, never expected anything as a result, did not matter i was never first in class, never won a prize for anything, yet I was happy,content that I have a good empathetic heart…where is that “me” in me? Now every moment is filled with task, complete it, next one is right there smiling.. there is no longer a seconds hand in a clock, there is task at hand. I wonder, I question, I analyze…so I decided to do something about it…
Write a blog for myself on what each day brings, share what I feel with no one in particular, with no result expected, with no expectation that someone will read…so I begin my day with hope, today will be different..
As suggested, i think of suitcase full of issues to solve, questions to answer, emails to reply, meetings to conduct,lunches to be packed,kids to be readied, husband to be cared…thinking of what makes me feel light and throw everything else in the suitcase, breathe [apparently, our brain processes a first thought in 7 seconds, sets the mood/tone for the day] . I ask the universe, let every breath I take be easy. 7 second timer expired, I brush to start the day…the ride begins… will today be different?