The Human Ego in Balance
The ego is the shell of thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions wrapped around your soul essence. It is part of the body-brain mechanics. The ego can be unbalanced or balanced.
The ego is your ‘me-ness’ to whom experiences are happening. Once new experiences have registered in your brain, your ego assimilates them and adds them to a storehouse of pleasure, pain, fear, and desire accumulated since infancy.
The ego is necessary for the function of integrating all kinds of experiences. But it is prone to go haywire — to become unbalanced.
We usually associate the word ‘ego’ with arrogance, pride, or selfishness. Egotism is the common term for extreme self-centeredness. However, our ego is composed of many facets. It magnifies both our best and worst traits.
The ego’s genuine function is to help you build a robust and dynamic self. But it is cloaking fear and insecurity when it intervenes to protect you unnecessarily.
This is part four of a series of articles about the human ego. Click here to access the previous articles.
If you’re all caught up, let’s ponder …..
The Ego in Balance
“Ego says. ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.”’ — Marianne Williamson
The bad ego can cause much of our psychological suffering. But an ego in balance can save us from further pain.
Our relationship with our ego can turn into either an enemy or an ally. But having no ego at all would be a disaster. We need something to mediate between our unconscious and conscious actions — and between our desires, beliefs, and values. The ego is essential to guide our decisions and behavior in life.
Without the ego, we would become helpless or mentally ill. The ego is the aspect of you that feels deserving, worthy, and entitled to anything it desires.
We should not neglect or devalue our egos. In proper balance, the ego is our source of dignity and self-empowerment. Our sense of self-love and self-worth stems from the balanced ego, which is a crucial tool on the path to spiritual awakening.
Our connection to Universal Consciousness
Universal Consciousness connects Spirit, Soul, mind, brain, and body to fully enable the human form to experience this 3D reality.
Mainstream science tells us that the ego was built into the human form through the evolution of the species. However, some might argue that a ‘higher intelligence’ inserted ego into the human form somewhere along the line for a specific purpose (click here for my articles on Medium regarding the evolution of the human species).
In any event, the human intellect programs the ego to connect to the Soul and Spirit. Other life forms such as plants and lower animals that lack intellect also lack egos.
A balanced ego is an instrument of Spirit. It provides an individuality and personality through which Spirit can accomplish its purpose in this 3D physical reality (click here for my articles on Medium regarding our spiritual purpose).
Having the right amount of heart
Sometimes, an ego out of balance can mean operating with too much heart. You can become too humble, low in self-esteem, and feel undeserving of your desires.
People who operate with too much heart often find themselves exploited by others. They are unable to refuse service to others and will often put the needs of others before their own — even if they feel exhausted and run down in the process.
When you balance your heart and ego, you can interact equally with other beings — giving and receiving service equally. This is a key to mutual pleasure and the basis for spiritual-minded societies.
Don’t be aggressive — be assertive
When your ego is in balance, you are not domineering and aggressive toward others. Nor are you passive and submissive. You are assertive. You get what you want without harming others or allowing others to hurt you. You always operate from a win-win perspective.
To be assertive is to be in balance. You can be assertive and still have a masculine or feminine personality. To free yourself from negative interactions, you must become assertive.
The more you become assertive and establish positive relationships based on mutual respect with all others, the sooner you will help dismantle society’s hierarchical superior/inferior structure and establish a culture based on harmonious equality.
Clever versus Wise
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi
The ego may be clever, but it is not necessarily wise. Cleverness pursues its own little aims. Wisdom sees the larger whole in which all things are connected.
Cleverness is motivated by self-interest and is exceptionally short-sighted. Many politicians and businesspeople think of themselves as clever. But those around them may question their level of wisdom. Trump is an excellent example of clever in a demented way — but certainly not wise.
Turn your ego into an ally
We must learn to flex our balanced egos in order to stop being at war with reality. When we let go of our exaggerated idealized self, we become free.
Conversely, when the unbalanced ego runs our lives, we suffer. The ‘me-me-me’ approach is draining. The act of forcing the world to revolve around us is a genuine ‘mission impossible.’
One idea is to initiate some self-reflection and observe yourself from a distance. Confront your unbalanced ego instead of being ruled by it. Confront all aspects of who you are — especially the uncomfortable ones. Observe and evaluate your thoughts rather than automatically buying into them.
Mindfulness
Buddhists invite us to participate in mindfulness. To observe our thoughts without judging. Mindfulness is the ability to be present. To be with what happens in the here and now. It’s a journey to abandon the illusionary version of self for the sake of well-being and happiness.
Mindfulness helps us neither to cling to what’s pleasant nor to condemn what’s unpleasant. Instead, we are mindful of the habitual patterns we have developed over the years. We free ourselves from the anxiety of defending the false illusion of who we think we are because we are more than that.
The fluid nature of self and the ego
“No person ever steps into the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and one is not the same person.” — Heraclitus
Our human tendency is to view ourselves and others as permanent physical forms. It’s essential to understand that everything is interdependent, and everything is impermanent.
The ego’s illusion presents your identity as a finished product rather than a work in progress. Your ‘self’ is fluid, not fixed.
View some pictures of yourself from different times past. You probably look different now. Consider how your personality or lifestyle has changed through those years. Are you still the same person? Or have you changed?
Fluidity means integrating both that we are different and the same. Everything changes, and nothing stands still. That’s the paradox of impermanence. I am the same person, but I am not the one I was in the past. Yet, I am still my same ‘self.’ The antidote to the illusion is acknowledging your ‘true’ self.
Some suggestions to help balance your ego
Don’t be attached to an illusion of self. Let go of the lifetime of constructed ideas of who you are. Most of them were created when you were young. You turned something very good or bad about you into your identity.
Balancing your ego is accepting all sides of yourself — rather than exaggerating just one.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Defending an illusion of self is a draining and useless effort.
Stop pretending and start accepting. Rather than just reflecting on your achievements, reflect on who you are.
Your ego is not your enemy. The ego’s idealized image of you is. Despite its attempts at subtle manipulations, the unbalanced ego can be countered by a few simple questions. Ask yourself: Why do I think this way? What’s motivating me? Am I repeating the same old thing I always say/think/do?
The value of questioning yourself is that you keep moving on. You refresh your responses. Increase your self-awareness and let it take in as much as possible.
An ego finds its balance through insight gained from mindfulness. Dive deep to the core of your essence for answers. Having more to process stimulates the brain to renew and grow. And the mind, with more input from the brain, expands in consciousness beyond imaginary limitations.
Avoid being defensive when someone hurts a part of who you think you are. You don’t need to fight others when you are balanced and at peace with yourself.
Love you, not your illusion of self. Accept your wholeness along with all the good and bad. Remember, just one aspect of you is not you.
Stop trying to be perfect. Get rid of the illusion of the ideal self. I’m not suggesting you lower your bar. But realize that you are fluid, not fixed.
You are not a finished person but a work in progress. Being vulnerable is being strong.
You don’t need to sustain an idealized version of yourself to be accepted by others. Masks are fragile.
Nothing beats your authentic self. True self-love is appreciating that others feel self-love, too. Embrace well-being and happiness for you and others.
