A thought exercise in three steps.

Step 1: Is It Racist/Homophobic/Sexist?

It’s not homophobic to say “In the 1980s, the gay community, on average, experienced higher HIV infection rates than the U.S. at large.” It’s homophobic to say, “Homosexuals spread disease.”

It is not racist to say “Many African-Americans have been to prison.” It’s racist when you say “Many African-Americans are criminals.”

It’s not sexist to say “Historically, women tend to perform less well than men in the maths and sciences.” It’s sexist to say “Women aren’t good in math and science.”

Do you see the difference?

The first statements are facts. There are numbers attached to them. You can research them.

The second statements are opinions. They may have begun life as facts (many African-Americans have been to prison; therefore, they must be criminals) but they are, at heart, attempts to define a group of people.

If you read the above sentences carefully, you’ll spot the nasty little idea buried in between the words. Look very closely.

“Homosexuals (are the kind of people who) spread disease.”

“Many African-Americans (are the kind of people who) are criminals.”

“Women (are the kind of people who) aren’t good in math and science.”

Step 2: “Them”

There’s an even worse idea buried in those sentences.

Did you see it?

“Women aren’t good in math and science.”

Look closer. This one likes to hide behind other words.

“(They) aren’t good in math and science.”

That’s the root of bigotry.

“They.” “Not us.” “Them.”

“Those people over there.”

It’s not the words that hurt. It’s the distance.

That’s why African-Americans can say “nigger,” “nigga,” or any new development of the term, and it’s accepted. That’s why family members (sometimes) can call each other “idiots” and best friends can call each other far worse.

It’s understood that “we are on the same team.”

The key word is, of course,“we.”

Step 3: “Why are they so sensitive?”

Because nobody ever, ever wants to be a “they.”

(Hint: ‘they’ especially loves hiding behind adjectives. You know adjectives: they describe nouns. They make nouns more specific.)

Some [[examples]]:

“[[Women]] drivers make me nervous.”
“I have lots of [[Asian]] friends.”
“I support [[gay]] marriage.”
“What’s it like being [[black]]?”

… is really …

“Those drivers make me nervous.”
“I have lots of those friends.”
“I support that other marriage.”
“What’s it like being [[not us]]?”

We want to be “me.” We want to be “we.” We want to be “us.”

Nobody wants to be “them.”