How to tell someone you just met you’re ashamed of your small penis

Here’s the situation: you’re hung like an elf and you’ve just met someone new and and don’t know the right way to let them know how ashamed you are of your maggot dick.

The solution is to turn a friendly greeting into an infantile power game. As soon as you say hello, crush their hand with an aggressive, domineering handshake. Use this tight grip to awkwardly yank someone into your personal space. This unnecessary show of dominance lets everyone know just how ashamed you are of your button-on-a-fur-coat.

It is generally considered polite to inform others of your stack of dimes as soon as possible, especially if you’re in a position of power. Men who are ashamed of their wee needledick bugfucker are known to make questionable decisions, especially in matters where the size of their fairy dick is indirectly called into question. Informing others of your man clit at the first available opportunity is a helpful way to signal that you are unstable and untrustworthy.