What is life? Who am I? Why this life? What is god?

Could love be the ultimate answer?

What is life? Why this life? What is god? Who am I? and so on. Isn’t that something we all have thought at some point in our life or are still struggling to find the answers. So what about it?

Well I too have been plagued by the same questions, none of which really have a definite answer and I have done, tried, read, explored and whatever I could to figure things out. It all started when I was a kid — still in school, I was about 14 yrs old. I somehow didn’t have to go to school for almost 9 months. So, I had plenty of time to do nothing and we had no tv at home or any other means of entertainment or anything, apart from a Chinese FM radio — which was not much of a friend. That left me with enough of time to do nothing, Nada ….nothing at all….and all I used to do was day dreaming.

I used to day dream / visualize everything I want in life, whatever I was made to believe would make my life better.

The day dreaming would all start with me …going to places all over, president like treatment (not really the president though) but VVIP treatment and FBI like full fledged black chopper security, super — powerful — rich, freedom to do everything go anywhere on a whim, luxurious cars and everything.

It used to be so vivid, I used to just day dream and nothing else, it was just so nice, we all have done that… its freaking good (now grown up and turned into a half human robot there’s no time to do it). I used to dream that with all that power, money, luxurious life…coming back into my own neighborhood, meeting my friends and everyone around. It was all so real, I could feel and see the spark and the awe in the eyes of my friends and neighborhood folk, when I came lined up with all that choppers cars… it was all so real.

Now I have everything that movies, our school and society teach. What we need to strive for — be successful — be on the top — win the bloody race and here I am with all that. So next thing eventually was dreaming of having the perfect life….the journey of having kids, helping people and bla bla. Then came the big bang…a big bloody question mark that left me just perplexed :|. That’s the end point I reached every time I used to dream, no matter what kind of dream I dreamt of …being a rockstar …..inventor…etc…..— a black void space — nothingness, that’s where I would end up. Just nothing at all, no thoughts came in there, no nothing, it was just silence and it was all so comfortably empty but then there was nothing at all, big unexplainable black space. That’s the starting point of my quest of questioning life. Nothing made sense…I mean living life king size, being respected, having all the power and reproducing (yes reproducing) and everything, nothing really made sense. Is that what life was all about? Live eat, shit, be someone, reproduce and finito?.

So came this hard knock in my head…Why this life? What is life for? What is god? Why am I here? bla bla …. which started haunting me everyday. I couldn’t really make sense out of everything we all were doing. I mean wtf? What’s the point of doing it all — I mean its all so senseless.

So on, I was in my early 20’s…had started smoking weed, still silently banging on the same thoughts, with fellow smokers and hearing whole lot of weird answers and the usual ones we all get to hear. I did satisfy my mind with doses of usual stuff, you have to live a meaningful life, do something good etc etc…make it worthwhile, leave a mark so that you get remembered etc etc. but that was not the answer I was looking for, it was temporary answer and why the heck would I want to be remembered after I die, what difference would it make me after I die, end of the game — nothing matters.

Then I took a journey into psychedelics, did LSD after reading Timothy Leary and hearing from my friends and learning that even Steve Jobs had done it, made me think, so why not, coconut? With a curious mind to figure out what is this thing that could ‘spiritualify’ the normal everyday and give sparks of unexplainable vision — with an expectation of getting closer to the answer I was looking for and the answer itself, I did it, in a crazy psychedelic circus all alone without anyone I know, with no clue about what is going to happen next — with that thumping CPU, Neuromotor, Naked Tourist and more crazy dj names banging the god knows how many thousand watts of sound in the background.

*sigh* I took this drop which was tasteless and nothing so special about it. It kicked in and oh my, was it good, it was bloody good, felt happy, lost, found all at the same time— learnt few things that has stayed with me ever since and well it was just amazing — an overall positive experience, but I didn’t get the answers I was looking for. I did it couple of times more and focused on the questions like the ayahuasca ceremony the shamans do, offering your question to the brew, in my case to the ‘heavenly drop’. I had read somewhere then, that Francis Crick, who had discovered DNA double helix did it being high and offering the question to the brew ayahuasca. So did I, instead of ayahuasca I had LSD 25 and well I tried too hard to focus on the questions and find an answer to pop up magically, no answer came — like real answer answer — like I had expected, that I was looking for. All I could figure out was life is to live, nothing more to it — if you want to you can keep on digging, the rabbit hole is never going to end, new answers are going to emerge and again new ones, until you give up or die, its just going to come in different forms and shapes. You could make the answer as complicated as you want it to be and give all the depth you want and all the sense you want, or you could keep it simple and accept it — that ‘Life is to live’ that’s it.

That’s what I brought back from the trip, unlike Mr. Francis Crick. So that didn’t really help. When I look back now, it did but back then it did not. The quest was on.

I went to meditation retreats, went to gurus, monks …hang around with the folks. Everyone’s answer made sense but yet had not quenched my thirst for the answer, that made perfect sense to me personally. Nonetheless they all said good deep thought provoking stuffs and well wonderful stuffs. So that was that.

There’s so many different ways of interpreting god, life, existence and the universe and things and experiences way beyond time and space, in so many different religions & philosophy, in their own unique ways . Every one of these religious and philosophical explanations made profound sense. Perhaps they all are true but still didn’t really make it all crystal clear for me or to say quench my thirst for the answer I was looking for, that ‘one answer’ to my questions. I took whatever I could take from people, books, religion and whatever and moved on with life, stopped actively looking for ‘one answer’, the perfect piece to my puzzle.

And as days, years passed by …slowly the answer came to me (ofcourse it was not magic, it all came slowly…even without realising it), all that searching, learning, whatever I did to try and find the answer did build up over time and I figured out what the answer to each of my question was. It was — ‘LOVE’. Yes ‘Love’.

“Love” you may say the most cliched word, used for marketing, selling us things, used everywhere from billboards to expressing the feeling that come from the core of our heart, expressing that warmth that builds inside us and warms up others lives…the word is cliched but what makes that word alive, is just amazing! After all words are inert without feelings.

What is life? Why this life?
Life is created with love. Life is love itself. We are born on earth to love — simple. It can be seen in anyway or in any perspective we like to put it. To do what we love, to love each other, to love the nature, to spread love…

What is god?
God is love. Think about it, twist it and turn it, the whole idea. It would make just perfect sense. Irrespective how you see god, the intelligent being or energy or anything else.

Who am I?
I am love, here to love.

So, I’m born out of love — by love — to love — to be loved. Its a very simple answer — yet its complex and has depth, as far as your mind could expand it. 
It seems the most complex answers didn’t do the magic to me what replacing everything with love did. Try it, replace anything with love! Its just amazingly powerful. It would overpower everything else and perfectly make sense. Where ever you put love in an equation it just changes everything, the whole dynamics.

Someone once told me as joke…that Buddha had the most powerful weapon on earth and I said yes, I have heard about traces of radio activity found in the remains of ancient civilisations like indus and all. He was like do you think atomic bomb is the most powerful weapon? I said yes that’s so far what we have got which could annihilate the entire planet. And he was like Atomic bomb (the most powerful bomb on earth) what does that do? Kill people, bring wrath upon the planet and people and start a chain reaction of ongoing radioactivity which screws up everything. What’s the use of it? It does not resolve anything. I said that’s what weapons are supposed to do! I asked what did buddha have?

He said — that anyone who came within 1–2km radius of Buddha’s presence, no matter enemy or how crazy or ruthless the person, even people who would want to kill buddha…they would be hit by the force of his weapon, changing their thoughts perception and igniting love. Buddha had bomb of unconditional & compassionate love! Love Bomb!

Isn’t it true? The weapon of mass destruction — or weapon of any kind we have is to resolve issues, end violence (of course with violence lol)?. Let’s replace atomic bomb with love bomb? What would it do?

We all are either looking to love someone — or are looking to be loved. Nothing in the world can unite us, even if it does I believe it would have some bloody consequences sooner or later….nothing can unite us like love. Only Love Unites!

So what do you think? Is love the ultimate answer? I’m very much open and looking forward to comments/criticisms and whatever you lovely folks would send my way! Hit me with love! Please forgive for my language / grammar, English is not my first language.