You’re asking, “why did he choose to do it, not to book it, like I wanted?”. That question is accusatory and rather arrogant. It leads to nowhere good.
How about this one instead?
“How can I clearly communicate what I want? How can I stop assuming my partner knows what I’m thinking?”
Your story is interesting, but nothing to do with gender inequality, or mistaking emotional work as worthless (it’s not, it’s very important).
You illustrate a really good example of where communication is more than our perception that a message we send is understood.
His questions about your request made it clear he thought you were asking for a service — for work to be don.
Did you explain the reasons for your request? Did you work through the process? Did clearly you say, and take time for it to sink in, “I normally do this, but I’d love, really love, for you to go through the process this time, so I know you understand the challenges, and can really appreciate what I do to get things done? This means a LOT to me, much more than the work itself — you going through the process is what is important.”?
It’s an old adage but one which serves well in this instance;
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
