Crafting Your Online Identity

The Combination of Words that Make you Up (5 Lessons)

First Impressions

I was writing to my new pen pal in Cambodia, when she replied…

I liked your way of writing though — it is funny! I thought you were a 60yo woman. I have enclosed a picture of myself — so you know who I am :-)

My jaw dropped in shock and amazement, I thought to myself, what a loaded statement! She doesn’t even know me! I had written to her a total of 9 sentences and there she goes writing me off as an old woman. Was it my greeting; the way I jumped into exposing my vulnerability — how I spend too much time obsessing over the details, that I enjoy too much time alone, or maybe how horrible I am when caught off guard?

The truth is she did catch me at a very vulnerable moment — I was in a total introvert’s cocoon of self-examination sending notes to a self-declared social butterfly. Had I not evolved into a butterfly yet, is that my problem? Is that what awaits me one day? Will I shed my desire to be alone — to peep out through the cracks with just my imagination? Are my introverted tendencies merely childish illusions in which I see the world?

Finding the difference

It’s amazing how vivid a combination of words can paint a picture of someone with just a little bit of imagination. What was I supposed to have said? In her mind, I was a 60 year old woman in America locked up in her room writing stories and reading books. In my mind, she was a 9 year old European boy living in Peter Pan’s Neverland fighting pirates and alligators. Obviously, we were both wrong. How could we have been paired up as pen pals? We are complete opposites!

More importantly, how could we both be so wrong? I took a break from answering that question for a while, and in a way, I feel like I failed the final test. In my little room of mirrors, I took the time to write out, delicate word after delicate word, carefully crafted sentences. English was not her first language — it technically isn’t mine either. Language, words, — these are all layers we hide behind.

Somewhere between first impressions and our inner most layers is the truth. Perhaps she is a Lost Boy from Neverland — at least in her mind, and perhaps I am an old witch conjuring stories in my room — at least in my mind. Who we imagine ourselves to be translates far beyond physical appearances — it runs through our veins, it leaks out of our fingers and spills onto our pages.

Who Are You Then?

To bring the story back, I was writing to my newly found pen pal as part of a self examination project. She was there for me as someone who I could introduce myself to at the end of the project as a more self-aware person. Having a pen pal you’ve never met is odd. I imagine it is more so today with the ability to write and receive messages instantaneously — it‘s quite dangerous, it being much easier to spew off words as if in a chat-room.

My penpal did send me that photo of her. She is indeed not a 9 year old boy, and I have sent her my photo to ensure her that I am not a 60 year old woman. We don’t always have the luxury of seeing the person we interact with online though. Who you interact with is every bit important as who you interact with in person. Everyone has a story to tell — not everyone wants to share, and that’s okay — and if they do, then cherish those stories.

What I’ve learned from my online interactions is this:

1. Who we are is constantly changing
2. Always be the best version of yourself
3. Don’t rely solely on first impressions
4. Be a social butterfly
5. Treat everyone as the real and multi-dimensional people they are