A conversation between a father and a son

VaynerMedia has weekly writers’ workshops. I’m going to try to publish the stuff I come up with during them. Even if I hate it. This week’s prompt was to write a conversation between a parent and a child.


Look I don’t care how bloody certain you think you are, there is no circumstance under which it’s a good idea to drive a car from the back seat.

Dad, I think you’re being a bit narrow minded here. Suppose it’s for winning a bet.

Shh. no. Please. shut up now. Your mother and I would like to think we’ve raised our son to be smarter than that. How much would someone honestly have to bet you in order to risk your life on something so stupid?

Oh me? Jesus no, there’s no way I would do it. I’m just saying that it’s a circumstance in which one could justify physically operating a car from the back seat.

Hold on, now we’re speaking purely in hypotheticals? Oh fine then. I mean all bets are off. Given that, I’m sure you could imagine a scenario under which a person could justify kidnapping Pavarotti —

— Jesus dad just once, JUST ONCE I’d like to have a conversation where Pavarotti doesn’t come up.

It’s not my fault that he’s the greatest tenor the world has ever seen.

And it’s not my fault that you and mom chose to split a bottle of Beefeater on the beach in Antigua 26 years ago, yet here we both are.

Too far, Ted.

Sorry, sorry. Ok what if it’s the middle of some kind of terrorist attack, and my Uber driver is incapacitated by shrapnel?

Shrapnel? What do you mean shrapnel? What is this some kind of World War II fantasy now? A bridge too far? Where are we in this scenario, did you book a Lyft to pop across the river Rhine for a burrito?

Well, dad, I think it’s safe to assume that burritos hadn’t made their way to the Hinterland by the early 40s.

Ok fine, a Schnitzel run, perhaps?

Sure we’ll go with that. And yes. Let’s say Gunther is incapacitated by a barrage of incendiary fire from allied howitzers, and it’s down to me to guide his Toyota Highlander safely back to home base before surge pricing kicks in. Then I think I could be justified in taking the risk and operating the car from the back seat.

Feels suspect to me. How would you get his foot off the accelerator?

I’d just undo his seatbelt and dump him out of the car. I saw it on Mythbusters once. It would be easy.

You know I’ve never really liked that show, they call it science, but they really just run roughshod over anything you might call an empirical process.

Dad Mythbusters airs before a show called Naked and Afraid, for God’s sake. It’s entertainment. They can’t spend 35 minutes a week pouring over peer reviewed results only to find out that their funding has been cut by the federal government.

TED!

Sorry again. How’s the job search going, by the way?