The Gift of Letting Go of Our Childhood Survival Strategies by Anna Kotzeva

Healing your inner child can be one of the best gifts you give yourself and therefore your own children. Do you know how often our daily responses come from the wounded child within?

Take a look at the following scenario. Do you recognize yourself in this?

You see a friend across the street. They seem to ignore you and just walk further. You feel hurt. You wonder what it is that you have done to offend them. It does not occur to you to simply shout out to them to attract their attention. You feel a bit off for the rest of the afternoon.

In this moment, it’s our inner child who feels ignored, taken for granted, unseen, or guilty. If we were present in the moment in our adult self, we would have just observed our friend walking by without acknowledging us. If we wanted to get their attention we would have made sure to attract their attention. If not, we would have been aware of the many good reasons they might have had to be preoccupied or not in a speaking mood, and would not have interpreted it in relation to ourselves and our worth.

The psychological mechanism is that as children we have the need for secure attachments, as well as the need to be authentic. In the inevitable clash between the two we surrender our authenticity. As a child you cannot contemplate misattuned parenting. It is better for the attachment relationship if the child misinterprets it as there being something deficient in themselves…