How am I living?
The feeling of cool breeze touching the face while the shiny early golden sunlight kissing took me to the ages when I used to be this perfect little boy. Being this perfect little boy, everyone adores and the showing myself as one who easily loved, often have their merits. Growing out to be a new person, I feel like I am standing on the top of a mountain listening to the chilling music and wondering about how life has changed.
From being a perfect boy to all grown, new thinking and uniquely able to understand the things and knowing so little about the perfect world at times is all ME. Being a perfect me and thinking randomly and newly sifted right through my inside and every insidious character that dwelled in the past is slowly fading away that I could feel the inside chills that call the moment that I am this new person evolved with TIME and from YOU.
Yes. Indeed, it’s you. The very own explanation of you about my personality has changed and I’ve started adapting to a new character with embracing memories and looking for a very blissful life. Life ain't complicated is my poorest understanding of my nearly extinct life. For me, it often feels like I was carried away with thoughts surrounded by people who define, label and tag everything about me as a different and unrelated to the existing day lifestyle.
At Times, when I was unable to differentiate the rightfulness, ordeal and arranging for the temporary comfort zone, is very well buried inside of me. Scared, unaccepted and seemed impossible in ways to the surrounded people. Realizing it is all about ME and you have a part in my life has always pushed me back so much that I didn’t understand what my purpose, wishes, and hopes are all about.
Life is not complicated is a very understatement now I know. Changing my style of cohabiting with the same people the very society despise in some ways. Being a natural, traditionally and underwhelmingly person trying to achieve what I dreamt from ages is coming to an end and the phase of beginning is very near. The choices and sacrifices that I had to do to get at this are unforgettable and living distant from the very people I love is one such sacrifice.
Talking about family and relations never ends. Leading the life with the predefined things and a set of orders is not so my type. On one hand, the impossibility for them to accept for what I am and on the other, the growing distance and its impact on myself and the rest of the family are unexplainable and also underrated.
Opting to lead a life that is well suited to my wishes and dreams looking on my face and the work-life that prevents me from opening up about some details threatens my very existence and such reality is never welcomed by people at large. Talking about the places where I was born and where I grew up and the kind of people is one such thing.
Eyes that were sad, deep are now exploring and looking for the very happiness in return. The very lines I spoke and wrote are looking for a new meaning and a new purpose. Life, as I know earlier, is almost at an end and the new phase is pretty much going to be an interesting part from now on.
From self-rejection to self-love and self-exploration guided me to travel in the direction of happiness and motivation. 8 years of confusion and lack of clarity puts good on a person and I’ve slowly accepted my role in society. Fighting instead of retreat and being vocal about the wants is surely a good thing happening to me.
Lastly, talking about the person I care about and I love regardless of his feelings for me is another motivation. Breakups happen. It made me much stronger. Feelings and desires are overrated. Sometimes it is hard to stand on the decisions I take but it just needs one person to convince and I am sure that is always me. This is a self-motivation for me to grow and rise from above against all odds and be the very person I always aspired to be.
To all the criticism,
With LOVE,
Subash