Its hard to explain my mixed feelings.

The joy and charm of the festival dasain (Nepali festival)
that comes once a year, almost everyone reach to their family and celebrate together having variety of meals. Well its the only festival where we are obligated to wear new clothes, accessories etc. Most importantly people feel proud to have goat sacrificed in the name of mighty goddess durga.

Khasi ko masu(mutton) is quite a big deal when it comes to dasain specially in brahmin community. Not everyone can afford to feast on it. The fellow(goat) i will be talking about cost around 16000 rupees($160 approx).

God its unimaginable. Flaunting is matter of pride here.

Me and my family were travelling to my aunts house for dasain celebration where my brother had this goat with us on the back seat of the car. I had no clue how old was it was neither I was aware of it’s previous home, I am sure it was someone’s pet but unfortunately someones tasty meal to be :(. The goat
was tied up all day in the backyard and fed. It was screaming and bleating all day long god knows what it wanted, a company may be.. We pet lovers tried to make it quite but no luck as long as we stayed there it would stay calm and as soon as we walk away it would scream out loud. Sometimes I felt like it wagged it’s tail when I went near, but how could this be it is not a dog. May be I felt that way because I live with dogs.

While we sat there my brothers were planning for the next day. The goat
was to be butchered next morning I was not keen to that topic though I am not a vegetarian. I really didn't want it to be butchered. I gave myself a big echo, is this what we do, kill innocent animals and enjoy festival. Is there any way to stop this thing, the moment i wanted to quit meat and start revolution there was my aunt with the plate of chuira (beaten rice) and masu(meat). I gave a pause to my feelings and tried to enjoy the meal.

Day was over and we were returning on the same positions in the car. Me my
small brother and sister on the back seat with the goat. Every time the goat was scared of the motion I held tight and consoled it that nothing will happen. Poor goat had he had any clue what was going to happen tomorrow morning before a sunrise, I was not happy of that truth either. l’m sure it would be a lovely pet if it was left to live. It was a healthy giant goat. After some minutes of drive we reached our house and the goat got alone in the back seat it was gazing to the street full of lights may be hoping to see more of it. It was the last time I saw that goat.I wished I could say ‘see you again’. Just took it’s photo for remembrance and walked towards my house thinking there are other like you, but I wish I could save you.

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