Regarding “James” and “how seriously that officer endangered me” ?
didn’t YOU endanger YOU for being with James for however long you put up with him? why? why “of course” you were “in love with him”? Isn’t this the kind of pre-feminist, traditional care-taking of puppies kind of stuff that females have been socialized to do with men, not to mention these guys sound like people you were honestly sexually attracted to? There have been great books written by feminist scholars about all this.. but these ideas very much remind me of the 50’s . What an “unhappy days” period that was for girls and women. There are people both men and women who react very defensively against the ideas of feminism (and they’re not monolithic) but those of us, like myself, who was a good girl and did things the traditional way for nine years, my life and relationships were saved by the lessons learned in these books and I will forever be grateful. Lust and love can go together but then the work of a relationship goes from there. And both people are responsible for that growth. It’s not easy but having forty + years with the right lover/partner, I can tell you it’s well worth it.