I’m sorry this happened and it didn’t work out with Femi.
Sadly, adoptions above the age of 5 or 6 rarely ever do, and in his case, at 14, too much had happened already, some things have set in too hard already, and to resolve and correct them usually takes far more concentrated effort and resources than the average family expects or has.
Sometimes people are hurt by the things I say about poverty, or feel like I’m looking down, but this is why as you’ve now experienced first hand.
Sadly, extreme poverty wreaks havoc on a person’s psyche, and even when later faced with love and kindness, there’s already a callous desperation for wealth and material things that doesn’t care if the people who love you and are trying to protect you get burned. This is where the numerous stories of being used in return for great kindness (catfishing as your sister for example) come from.
I’m so sad he went down that path and I’m sad for all of you, especially your Mom, and especially for you because I think you were showing him a world he never dreamed he’d see, and I wish he could have understood that persevering the way you were steering him would have won him that world.
Everyone in your family acted admirably towards Femi.
None of you are to blame so try not to feel guilty.
I’m sorry for your loss.