Moving On

Okay.. There’s a reason I’m calling this post how to move on rather than calling it how to get over him. Getting over him is just forgetting him but to move on means you actually get to a better place.. Now isn’t that what we all want.

I started writing the post in a third person perspective but somewhere in the middle it became about how I coped and moved on from a horrible breakup, so I just went by with it.

First things first!

I removed whatsapp, Facebook , Instagram, snapchat, Twitter and any other social media apps from your phone! Yes. You heard it right. I did it the day we broke up. Uninstalled them! Because social media doesn’t help! For a person who thrives on social media this was not easy. And most of us are probably a lot like this. Like there’s no tomorrow without Facebook. But I did it! It was honestly the best decision of my life.

Secondly, I went to work and confided in a guy friend. And I can’t really say confided because I was in tears with every word that anyone spoke, so I had to tell him why I was so broken. And, God bless! He was a nice guy and tried to keep doing nice things to me all day. So, confide in one friend! Don’t let it be that girl you talk to near the water cooler. Let it be a guy who cares about you or a girl who you have known for years, because the last thing you want right now is condescending people.

Third..

I packed my bags and went home for the weekend and it’s not over.. I told my dad and sister about him.. Without the juicy bits ofcourse. My dad is the person to whom I go whenever misery strikes or when happiness hits. So, I told him that I was sad because I had a fight with this person I really liked and then my dad gave me a lot of philosophy talk on how some people in your life have to leave to make way for better people. I was already starting to feel better and by better I mean I was having short moments where I could hold my tears and actually feel that maybe it was a good thing.

And then I made a mistake.. Not entirely sure if it was a mistake but I’ll mention it anyway.

I hung out with my 3 year old niece. While hanging out with her was a great feeling and it totally lifted up my spirits and it took my mind off the bad feeling for a while, it also did another thing. The thing with 3 year olds is that they hug and kiss you a lot. My niece was running into my arms all day and as she started watching TV sitting on my lap, she started cuddling. That was a huge blow to everything that I had built up. It brought in a shockwave of memories and it was not painless. God! I was back to tears. But I coped.

And then we went out..

My dad saw that I was pretty disheartened and he decided to take me out. We all went out to a fancy restaurant by the beach and ate our hearts full. Okay.. That was a lie. Everyone else ate their hearts and tummies full and I only stuffed food down my throat just so people wouldn’t bring back the topic that I was not eating well. My appetite had not come back then and to be honest I don’t think I’ve still got it back.

Then the weekend was over and I have to tell you about how I almost fell into temptation so many million times throughout the weekend. I came so close to texting him so many times that I couldn’t even keep count. Trust me every single bone in your body wants you to text him. Every single thought goes back to him. Your mind plays tricks and finds a hundred million reasons to text him. But no!!! Don’t do it! It feels like you miss him and it’s killing you. But no. Don’t text until the reason you broke up has changed. I didn’t. Every time I wanted to text him I thought about the conversation we would have and where eventually it would lead. However it goes I knew I would come back to the same place again! He didn’t love me. He tried to but he couldn’t. Everything was perfect between me and him but he doesn’t want forever. He has to deal with his issues. But I was done thinking about him.

Nothing changed.

And then I came back to work on Monday. And back to work means I have to see him again. I was slightly mad at him at this point. I was mad about those empty promises and all the lies. He was not a bad person but he just didn’t care enough. So I came back to work and right when I start to work and I’m busy in a nerdy conversation with my boss I see him.. And.. I feel nothing.. I feel maybe a slight feeling of peace.. I’m not able to exactly name the feeling but it was an ever so slight good feeling.. I just turned back to my laptop and started working again. No tears. No numbness. No sadness. No hole in my chest anymore. But I also knew it was temporary and all those wud hit me again. Only the frequency would be lower this time. So I went back to work.

I got my work done and left home pretty late because I didn’t want to come here and sit all alone and feel empty again. So I come home late and pick up my phone thinking I used to be texting him and waiting on him at this hour usually. And I thought pain was gonna hit me again and I scrolled through my phone and I realised there’s nothing that reminds me of him on my phone.. It’s blank.. It’s my new life.. A blank canvas.. I can do whatever I want with with it.. I’m not looking at his face on whatsapp and Facebook anymore.. I have no contact with him!!! That’s when I realised making my phone devoid of all kinds of social media was the best decision I made.. So I hope you do it too.. Cause you have to lift your head up and look at the real world once in a while and when you are distressed that’s the first thing you should do so that you know where you are and who you have.

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