DEPRESSION IS NOT OVERRATED
Smiling face, having a not very well-known job, having a girlfriend/boyfriend …we think these are the essence of one’s life, preferably in a nonmarried life. But amidst these achievements, there is a stain of something that most of us don’t notice, and in most cases, one does not address those stains and the one whose name should not be said “DEPRESSION”.
THE STORY OF MY DEPRESSED LIFE:
I am a soul with depression(and I am not embarrassed). When I say to someone I am depressed their reflex dialogue would be don’t be melodramatic, don’t overthink, everything will be getting better, be patient….Not a single soul is interested to know the real cause of it (my therapist is an exceptional character ).In the initial days, I didn’t even know such things existed but when I racked my brain then I found that “Oh man! This is what depression looks like?” The reasons were because of my past, the impact of the past on my present, and no doubt I have a very calculated doomed future. So my depression is because of all the three tenses. Ok what next, how to deal with it? How to overcome the crying episodes? There are the questions in my google search history and I labeled my behavior with each clinical symptom and felt at ease that it can’t be helped. There is this saying that “ Time heals everything” but in my case, it made everything worse. The doubt about my existence, the purpose of my life. everything came into question. The word depression became a vital word in my day-to-day life.
THE PAST CAN NOT BE LEFT BEHIND:
Yeah, you heard it right. The past haunts and pokes you in every regard. All the achievements and happiness take the backseat and your bad decisions, traumatized relationships, and financial struggles(all of these memories) will be your front seat audience. You have no escape plan but to face it and entertain it. These can be handled until you are not in one of many midnight crying episodes.
BEING SAD IS MY NEW NORMAL:
Slowly every definition of my life changed, being happy is one of my privileges and I used to feel weird and restless being happy. I began to despise people who are having a better career, love life, marriage, and financial well-being than me and it made me a very menial person. Passing every day without the thought of suicide was a trophy for me. When I tend to share my vulnerabilities with my close ones I became the victim of their judgments. I used to get hallow hopes which helped me to pass an hour without any creative suicidal ideas. I distanced everyone because of my insecurities and jealousy.
THE CHAPTER OF MY THERAPY:
The one best thing I did for myself is unshackling the biggest stigma of my present society is “ THERAPY ”.To be honest, I was not able to afford my therapist, but I was dying to see a blurred spark of light in my bitter life. For the first time, I didn’t think of any speculative judgments(nonetheless I was judged by my therapist eventually) and I felt that money can indeed buy some calmness.
INFERENCE OF MY THERAPY:
I felt proud of myself as a person with depression. It’s not some kind of weird illness (it can be to a certain extent until it doesn’t destroy you). It is one of the emotions we sense every day and it needs some extra attention to reduce its span of existence in our life. And we need to accept the person who is under the influence of depression as much as we accept the person with happiness. Don’t find the medicine in others instead the antidote is with us we need to find and guide it. Normalize the depression.